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Curbs Doesn't Want You To Read This Article

Alan Curbishley has said Robert Green England chances might be helped with a bit of a makeover (albeit somewhat tongue in cheek), after reports he was unhappy the way Green spoke out last month against his contract: // --> // --> "We rate Greeny highly and nobody has been pushing him more with (England coach) Fabio Capello than me. "I've said on numerous occasions that ....


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West Ham In For Berner

// --> // --> Bruno Berner could be ready to join the Hammers and battle George McCartney for the left back berth should talks with Leicester fall through. Despite the two division gap between the two clubs, Sky Sports is reporting the Swiss international could be interested in signing with the club that took his international compatriot Velon Behrami. Berner, 30, has recently ....


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Curbs: 'naive' Green Should 'dye His Hair White'

// --> // --> Alan Curbishley has said Robert Green England chances might be helped with a bit of a makeover (albeit somewhat tongue in cheek), after reports he was unhappy the way Green spoke out last month against his contract: "We rate Greeny highly and nobody has been pushing him more with (England coach) Fabio Capello than me. "I've said on numerous occasions that perhaps ....


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Tottenham Break Bank To Sign Ashton?

According to the Daily Express, which is in itself a dangerous way to start any article, Spurs are ready to up their offer for striker Dean Ashton to £20 million. Given that Robbie Keane has left for a similar sum and Berbatov is set to leave for even more, the strike force at the (other) London club looks barer than the West Ham wage bills emergency fund. So the idea such a bid would be ....


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Givet On His Way?

// --> // --> Oh la la! West Ham are in pole position to sign Marseille left back Gael Givet, so they reckon in la Belle France this morning The 26-year-old France international, who joined OM from Monaco in 2007, can leave the Velodrome and has been attracting significant interest from Panathinaikos, but that trail looks to be going cold. OM and the Greeks can't agree a fee ....


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Police Call For Witnesses After Bellamy-gate

Suffolk Constabulary have not received any complaints over the Bellamy incident against Ipswich last night. The police haven't singled out Bellamy's alleged verbal altercation as the reason, but seeing as not much else happened that day, it seems fairly easy to reason they're covering their bases. "No formal complaints have been received by either Suffolk Police or Ipswich Town," said a ....


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West Ham's Okirie In International Torment

West Ham's suddenly Nigerian striker Carlton Cole Okirie (which is actually his full name) has been called up to his now national team squad: only to find he can't play. Cole, or Okirie as we shall now forever call him since he defected to another country in a 'Quashie' moment (the England-B player who suddenly realised he was actually Scottish the whole time), was called up to the 'new ....


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Saha Linked With Hammers Move?

Manchester United striker Louis Saha is being linked with a move to West Ham after his 'dream move' to Paris Saint Germain looks like falling apart. The French club are now pursuing Mateja Kezman of Fenerbahce, leaving the way clear for Hammers to move in and clinch his signing. The Hammers only have the four strikers...but Freddie Sears will probably need another season before being properly ....


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Ferrari Still Coming?

Now, we at UptonSparks have made our feelings known about the rumour mill: we don't like it a lot as it's confusing. But every so often we have a hunch, and that's why we think Matteo Ferrari might be coming to the Boleyn Ground. According to the Fiorentina News in Italy, the player is unsettled after not getting a move to Inter, and is demanding a move from Florence. In fact, here's what ....


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Zamora Apparently Doesn't Care About His New Club

Bobby Zamora, the player some of you may remember as a West Ham striker just a few weeks ago, has spoken out against his former club...again. One gets the feeling he's not really that bothered about joining Fulham, given that he's pretty much said he loves the club he's left so much he was considering sitting under a bridge on a regular basis scaring billy goats. Not that we're comparing Zamora ....


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Hammer Chase Former Inter Striker

West Ham are reportedly in for former Internazionale striker Mauricio Pinilla. The Chilean striker has been linked with West Ham after being released by Hearts at the end of last season, after being given very little chance to show his worth thanks to being constantly hurt by injuries and niggles and an unconfirmed, and pretty much made up, addiction to cheesy Wotsits. Pinilla is also ....


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Hammer-tastic Xiv - Pinilla, Cisse And Benayoun

Hola, Ciao, Bonjour, Guten Tag and Hello to you all. It's been a while since we did a bit of a round up, but to be honest we couldn't be bothered. It's close season, and there are other things we could be doing. And one of them was NOT being made to put up and varnish a shed that we don't even get to sit in and chill out because we need 'somewhere to put the chairs'. You know a good place to ....


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Curbs Says Money Is Not An Issue

Woohoo to the Curbs...well, you've got to start on a positive note, the man has been the subject of some real criticism over the past few weeks. He's the one that we all adore (sort of), the one that leaves us asking for more (goals...points...interest, whatever), he's the Cuuuuurrrrrrbishleeeeeeyyyyy. Anyway, the man who goes to sleep having a little think about what will happen to West Ham ....


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'new' Keeper Seems Hardly Worth Having

West Ham's newest 'signing' Jan Lastuvka (we're loathe to say he's actually joined, as apparently he's now having a medical and if they find something, like an alien living in his stomach, he won't be coming) will be a total understudy to Robert Green. Now, this isn't a bashing of the player: in fact, I've only ever seen him play briefly for Fulham (and that didn't really inspire any great ....


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Curbs Sees Striker As Messiah

Alan Curbishley heaped so much praise on Craig Bellamy yesterday he almost buckled and fell apart under the strain. In fact, so glowing were the words a windmill in Stockholm was opened in honour, which was bizarre as there were none planned for at least another decade. "It's terrific to have him back.," said Curbs, holding back the tears and dabbing his eyes with a hankie, which may have been ....


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Bresciano Still Coming?

Mark Bresciano, the Palermo midfielder who almost became a Man City player last year according to the Daily Mail, has been told he can leave the club. This has sparked a number of clubs to scramble for his signature, including the Hammers obviously (why else would we write it here?) Bresciano, 28, has been linked with Man City again, and apparently Fulham are also in the hunt, though whether ....


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Behrami Decides He Can Stand The Rain

Velon Behrami today signed for West Ham for £5 million after a long and drawn out transfer process. The Lazio star, who previously stated he couldn't move over here due to the adverse weather, has now decided that it's not that bad, and has signed a five year deal. The Swiss international, who can play at right back or right midfield, was a regular in the Champion's League for the Rome ....


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Mccartney Is Staying

George McCartney has resisted attempts from Sunderland to poach him from the Hammers and has signed a new deal. The full back has been in more than impressive form this season, playing the most games out of anyone. At one stage he was even linked with a move to Italy, though this was likely just paper speculation. Five year He now has signed a five year contract to keep him at Upton Park ....


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Gudjohnsen Not Coming

Eidur Gudjohnsen has snubbed a £5 million move to the Hammers, despite being told he is surplus to requriements at Barcelona. The Camp Nou director Rafael Yuste has said the Icelander has no future at the club, though Gudjohnsen has said he wants to stay. “Without hurry but without a pause, Txiki Begiristain as well as Raul Sanllehi [the other directors] are studying the topic with ....


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Neill Staying A Hammer

Lucas Neill, man, defender, lover and friend to woodland animals has once again stated he's going nowhere. Despite being linked to both Galatasaray and Manchester City (both are football clubs that play football, as does he and therefore he could go), he has affirmed his Ham love. The 30 year old has been linked with a move away thanks to the apparently imminent signing of Valon Behrami, who ....


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West Ham Unhappy With Squad

Despite the need to trim the squad by over 10 players, reports are coming in of more summer spending at Upton Park. From the current 41 players, the West Ham board plan to drop the squad to around 26 or 27. However, this means more than that will be leaving to accomodate the new signings. "We effectively have four teams on the payroll - that is far too big a squad," a senior club source told ....


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Arango Dismisses Hammers Link

While surfing the interweb looking for things about West Ham and not at all looking for pictures of Lindsay Lohan, we got a call from our Spanish friends at Upton-Sparko about a rumour regarding Juan Arango. It was written on Spanish news site ElUniversal.com, and says the player was against a move abroad, despite being watched by clubs like West Ham. Cruise "I do not know anything about any ....


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Ferdinand Rejects Newcastle

Anton Ferdinand has rejected the chance to move oop North and join Newcastle after he reportedly pulled out of talks with the Magpies. Reports were suggesting Kevin Keegan was anxious to link him up with another England Under-21 star in the shape of Steven Taylor, who recently committed his future to the club. Tottenham and Aston Villa are also reportedly interested in the 23-year-old, who ....


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Neill And Bellamy On Their Way?

The Sun is doing its usual thing and reporting on something without any quotes, this time on the subject of Craig Bellamy and Lucas Neill heading to Eastlands to rejoin manager Mark Hughes. The former Welsh manager used to have the two under his charge at Blackburn, but sold them to Liverpool and West Ham respectively for a combined total of £7.5 million. The Sun believes Hughes would ....


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Behrami Having A Medical

Turns out ol' Swiss / Kosovoan right back Valon Behrami IS coming to West Ham after all after flying in for a medical. Apparently his comments about the weather being too cold over here weren't enough to stop him coming, as he will probably now be a replacement for the Manchester City-bound Lucas Neill. West Ham, according to the Daily Mail, have pulled off something of a coup in signing the ....


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