Green the Premier League's best 'keeper: Official
By Harry Amber-Mitchell
Tuesday 07 Apr 2009 14:52:00
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Robert Green has been shown to be the best goalkeeper in the Premier League... well, for the last weekend at least.

Opta' statisticians (which it was recently revealed are mostly made up of students and other part-timers... good or bad thing?) showed the Hammers custodian to be the best in his position after his display cast Sunderland further into the mire.

He managed to pull off seven saves, which suddenly puts a very different spin on a match that Sunderland were supposed to be 'woeful' in.

He made no catches, which again can be interpreted how you like... although the fact is that no balls came to him at the perfect height and speed.


Opta has 'rated' him at 8/10, which we're not sure what that means here. We asked our super computer again, which said 'Sorry, you are out of cards, would you like to play again?'. Cryptic.

But given that Greenmeister (as he may or may not be called by his team mates) has won this honour twice so far this season, it shows how the Hammers are well placed to have a decent crack at a European place this year... switz swoo (or some other expression of impressed joy).

If you're wondering who the worst 'keeper was, it was none other than Heruelho Gomes, whoc managed to concede two goals and only save two of four shots against him against Blackburn. Mwa-ha-ha.

Tonight's the big game for us, playing A3 Milan. In goal: Amber-Mitchell, Defence: Turner and Brown, Attack: Steve's Mate and John from Finance.

If you've always wanted to be a substitute for a sub-standard five a side team, then drop us a line. Who knows, you too could one day be playing for Hammered Again...


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