Man United 4 West Ham 1 was there any point in turning up?
By Uncle Dave
Saturday 03 May 2008 20:23:00
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West Ham missed the chance to completely derail Manchester United’s Premier League bid by rolling over and offering no opposition at Old Trafford.


Apart from a spectacular Dean Ashton overhead kick wonder goal that might have even made people in Bolivia weep, despite having no knowledge of it, West Ham might as well have been playing in strips made of dustbin lids.


A brace for Cristiano Ronaldo, including one where Lucas Neill practically invited him into the penalty area, even stopping to making him a cup of tea before he rifled on in off George McCartney, was followed by a great strike from Carlos Tevez and a long range effort from Michael Carrick.


Let’s use an analogy. Imagine Old Trafford was a jungle, and Man United were gorillas. West Ham are many, many little monkeys who had the power to annoy the big gorillas who were able to knock everyone else.


But before this game, some baboons from Chelsea were having a go at the monkeys for liking the gorillas too much. The monkeys, instead of making it look like they weren’t in league with the gorillas, did the opposite, even though they don’t speak the same language, so it was just an accident.


And the monkeys would have been even more incensed when one of their number was headbutted by a gorilla, and was told to leave the jungle. But the monkeys still were useless, clearly thinking about some bananas they might eat a bit later when the whole thing was over.


(This was Nani headbutting Neill, and then falling over in a comedy fashion to pretend it wasn’t his fault. What a joke, watch it on match of the day to get the idea.)


West Ham may or may not finish in tenth place. To be honest, every Hammers fan must be looking forward to next season, in order to expunge the memory of this total non-season. It might be great to be in the Premier League, but at least we want to see the players try.


Now, to the local kebab shop for a nice shish to make today all better…


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