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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 10/04/2018 20:10
Birds For The Over Forties
Birds for the over forties #6

Following on from last weeks massive hit with a game show theme, this week I have selected Anne Aston.

Plucked from a world of having Werthers originals inserted into her XXXXXX Anne Aston was to go on to become the most talked about woman in ATV show business.

The late twitching comic Bob Monkhouse first saw her appearing on German television in a bizarre sexual perversion show named ‘The Golden Shot’. The game is far to gross to put into words on here but I will say it involved Mongolian Chimpanzees and XXXXXX.

Monkhouse was blown away by the urine soaked hostesses attractiveness. Not being put off by her offensive stench he immediately asked her co-host a new game show he had invented. It was the legendary ‘The Golden Shot’.

Aston was keen on familiarity in her life and thought that a game show of the same name would pay the bills and decorate her plush Birmingham static home. (Her lounge needed new woodchip on the walls)

It all went sour after Monkhouse accused Anne of being of Hungarian descent. Monkhouse hated the Magyars since they torched his Ford Cortina 1600E....WITH HIM IN IT!! He was forever tinted orange after that.

Anne was afraid of Bob’s fearsome temper and left the show the same day. She later painted that woodchip papered lounge, the colour? Burnt Orange. Spiteful bitch.

She has not appeared on television since. Fearing revenge, she turned down numerous offers of the bimbo square on Monkhouse’s ‘Celebrity Squares’ quiz show and was also spotted working as a Scaffolder.

Anne sadly returned to her native Bulgaria (Monkhouse never did know) to run a Nuneaton Borough supporters club.
The club went bust after a personal appearance by Norman Vaughn descended into a violent brawl that left Aston semi-conscious and covered in Bovril crisps.

She is expected to die sometime during her old age.

Anne Aston, probably my one true love.
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Farehamisblue Posted on 10/04/2018 20:26

Birds For The Over Forties

Over 60's more apt.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 10/04/2018 20:37

Birds For The Over Forties

It was written a long time ago.

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exterminator Posted on 10/04/2018 20:40

Birds For The Over Forties

I wouldn't worry if I was you Farehamisblue ... Old Smokey and his Bum Bandit are well known for hallucinating over any "bird" under 80 years old ...it is usually accompanied by a wild masturbation session ... poor chap.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 10/04/2018 20:43

Birds For The Over Forties

You make wild masturbation sound like a bad thing?
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tricky_ricky_pfc Posted on 10/04/2018 22:08

Birds For The Over Forties

Get over DSA and check out Ricky's babe of the day.

Can't post pictures here, functionality is not supportive of wild masturbation.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 10/04/2018 22:19

Birds For The Over Forties

I can't remember where DSA is but please send my condolences re: Tarby.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 10/04/2018 22:21

Birds For The Over Forties

Birds for the over forties # 5

This week ….Anthea Redfern.

Plucked from a life of prostitution and goofy teeth by Ivory Coast all-rounder Bruce Forsyth, Anthea went on to become possibly the most iconic woman of June 1974.

Brucie’s famous cheesy grin and ‘give us a twirl’ catchphrase darkly hides the real reason for this somewhat perverted request. Anthea was having relations with former Ron Jeremy fluffer and BBC sound man Dave ‘Pardon’ Peters.
In asking for the twirl Brucie was in actual fact checking for signs of man juice on the back of Anthea’s infamous slut frocks. If she was clear the show was a stormer. If she had ‘school glue’ stains, well let’s say the cuddly toy was in for a kicking.

Anthea had legs to die for. It was said they real and were insured for several hundred guineas. She would wear a different set of pins for each show. Amazing agony..what a pro.

Her downfall came when Bruce was caught stealing conveyer belt prizes and replacing them with inferior brands. The final straw was when Bruce lifted a Ferguson portable cassette player and replaced it with a Binatone clock/radio.

Sacked as a couple, Anthea returned to a life on the streets. She turned to shoplifting (a legacy of her days with Bruce perhaps?) and was often seen in Bembows nicking boob tubes.
She had several number 1 hits and launched ‘AntheaStorage’, a range of paper bags with cunning hidden pockets that could take anything from a years supply of ‘toast toppers’ to a picnic hamper.

She was last seen working as a midwife in Cowplain Social Club.

Anthea Refern, I adore you…always have, always will.

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Frattoniser Posted on 11/04/2018 09:31

Birds For The Over Forties

I hadn't anticipated line 7 regarding Anne, and rather stupidly just taken a mouthful of coffee. Needless to say there is a little bit of cleaning up going on after reading about Anne.
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Bluenote Posted on 11/04/2018 10:09

Birds For The Over Forties

Where can I find #1-4 smoke coz these two have produced some serious chuckles?
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tricky_ricky_pfc Posted on 11/04/2018 13:46

Birds For The Over Forties

Back of the north terrace ffs

Link: DSA
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 11/04/2018 14:52

Birds For The Over Forties


Birds for the over forties #4

This week: Dana

“All kinds of everything” sang the Derry lass Rosemary Brown aka Dana. Was it sexual activity she was singing about? In my bedroom it was..the strumpet.

Plucked from a world of intimidation, drunken bar brawls and the church, the girl was plunged into instant fame and worldwide catholic themed adoration when she appeared scantily clad in the 1970 Eurovision song contest. Her performance was that of a girl singing for her life. It later transpired she was singing for her life..a young Gerry Adams had a crossbow trained on her throughout the song. Adams felt that an northern Irish victory would highlight the lack of bearded Catholics in the province. A clean shaven Dana was perfect for the cause. She became the only Irishman to win in it to date. (Johnny Logan being of Cuban pedigree)

Not happy with singing for the sandal wearing public of continental Europe she turned her attention to singing for Popes. The Pope was destined to be on the Italian throne for a while and soon tired of the non-polish speaking peg seller. Her career was in ruins. Before he died though she did take inspiration from Pope JP and went on to invent a way of training blind track and field athletes. She would stand on the last tier in the stadium and her supa-acoustic and melodic voice would entice the disabled to run or throw in the right direction. After a fatal accident with a Discus thrower and a 3000m steeplechaser she went into hiding.

She sought solace in politics.
Irish politics has long been the home of undistinguished politicians and indeed Dana disappeared without trace in the 1990’s.

She was last seen selling shoes on Philippine Island street corners.

Dana, my one true love, I salute you.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 13/04/2018 17:15

Birds For The Over Forties


Birds for the over 40’s #7

This week Jenny Hanley.

Although first discovered by Eddie Disc-Cutter, CEO of Hammer Horror Films, Jenny Hanley was destined to become a token bit of fluff in a male dominated world.

It was Peter ‘whoopee’ Cushing who first noticed her upper class whore like features. He immediately became her mentor and part time secret agent. He told her of a plan he had for world domination that involved lacing Weetabix with LSD. Horrified at the thought of the country’s schoolchildren condemned to a permanent school ‘trip’, she rejected any part in this wicked plan.

It was while leaving Cushing’s Bracknell home that she bumped into former Hammer extra and strapping seven footer, Mick Robertson. He had recently finished shooting a movie called ‘The man who tried to hide his tallness with curly hair’. The film bombed and went straight to the soon to be invented video. Curly hair was out. The emergence of John Travolta had helped smooth that fact.

He went on to talk to Jenny many times about his love for a little known TV producer named Biddy Baxter. Baxter had repelled Mick’s advances many times brushing him aside with tirades such as “You’ll never get a look in” and “you’re just an idiosyncratic Magpie” (a direct reference to his hoarding of copies of ‘Donna’ by 10CC) The revelation that Biddy was in fact a woman was the last straw for Mick. He was now in dire need of support. After leaning on Jenny’s head for several hours the lanky thespian was able to sustain himself.

To get revenge over Baxter’s rebuff Robertson quickly threw together a new children’s magazine called ‘Look-In’. “That’ll learn her” said the poorly educated beanpole.
The title did not work for the transition to TV so Jenny famously came up with the name Magpie. ‘Rather apt’ thought Mick. However ‘Rather apt’ was dismissed as silly by Thames TV and ‘Magpie’ was created.

Jenny was born for the job of presenting and Mick immediately offered her a contract that included such luxuries as an unlimited supply of ‘Army and Navy’ sweets. The rest is 70’s TV history.

Now a mother of eight extraordinarily tall curly haired children she spends her free time putting Velcro on the bedroom ceilings. An overt attempt at stopping the children jumping on the beds.

Jenny Hanley, the finest and sexiest presenter of my generation. (Excluding Sarah Greene)


2nd photo down. This woman is hot.

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OptimusPrimus Posted on 15/04/2018 08:54
Edited On: 15/04/2018 08:56
Birds For The Over Forties

Do one on Aniika Rice or this feature is a stitch up! [:D]

Edit: just googled her, OMFG what was I on
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Cressers Posted on 15/04/2018 10:43

Birds For The Over Forties

Judith Hann?
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cebublue Posted on 15/04/2018 10:50

Birds For The Over Forties

Olga Korbut...but I was still at school.
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smoke_and_a_pancake Posted on 15/04/2018 16:21

Birds For The Over Forties


Birds for the over 40’s #8

This week Rula Lenska

The daughter of a gay and recently departed Polish priest Rula Andrubber Lenska, to give her full title, was first spotted working the back streets of her home town Worksop. She was the supervisor of a team of young men who would inspect the communist red street lighting in the city’s communist red light district. The group were tagged the Backstreet Boys and were later to become a very successful electrical hardware suppliers in Florida, USA.

After the Boys left for success and fame, Rula turned her attention to developing a hair restorer for fellow gingers. It was at the product launch that the titian haired beauty bumped into B list actor Dennis Watermelon. He had just finished shooting an episode of The Sweeney.

Dennis at first thought Rula was carrying a shooter and declared her a slag. Dennis was living the role and Rula found this sexually appealing. Rula immediately married Dennis on the spot. She loved her men all tough and XXXXXXney like.

It was Waterman influence that won Lenska the role in massive 70’s hit Rock Follies. The series was based on three slappers who could sing a bit. The show launched Rula into mega-stardom. Especially in the Home Counties where Lenska’s middle class appearance and accent moistened gussets across the fields of Hertfordshire and beyond.

After a brief lesbian affair with Waterman’s disabled sister the couple gave birth to a bouncing ginger baby. As the baby was severely freckled and hideously ugly they decided not to give it a name. It was part of an elaborate plan to disown the baby in later life.

Rula and Dennis split in 1999. Dennis had gone insane when it transpired that the TV series ‘Space 1999’ proved to be technically inaccurate. In the mid 1970’s Dennis had ploughed his millions into moon property and consequently had lost the lot.

Rula could not cope with the split and she died of a broken heart in 2001. Rula was just 23. The unknown baby went on to become Mick Hucknall out of Simply Red.

Rula Lenska, take a bow you dirty whore……
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smirnoffexpress Posted on 15/04/2018 18:07

Birds For The Over Forties

Dana .............. would have got it .............baaad.
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