"And They Wonder Why We Laugh"
By Davey Brown
Tuesday 19 Mar 2013 10:16:00
Browse all Davey Brown articles


It's no ordinary derby. Newcastle v sunderland goes way beyond football and this is what sets it apart from the rest. Aye, there are some fierce derbies in England: West Ham/Millwall, Chelsea/Spurs, Liverpool/Everton and of course the Manchester derby where 'fans' from both clubs leave London and Stockport to converge on the city that gave us Shameless. But none of them have roots which can be traced back to the English civil war. Royalist Newcastle's commercial advantages from merchants caused friction with the Parliamentarian stronghold of sunderland. Then in later years, we again found ourselves on opposite sides with Newcastle in support of the King while the mackems were siding with the Jocks. They have always been the poor relations and bitterness prevails in that small town in Durham.


Fast forward to the arrival of the beautiful game in our region and one of the most hostile rivalries in football was born. The funny little people from wearside deny they are hypocrites yet whenever a Geordie mentions the 5 - 1 game in 2010, they accuse us of living in the past then go on to remind us of their 9 - 1 win at St James' Park in 1908! They conveniently forget/sidestep/ignore the fact that Newcastle United fielded a very weak team that day due to a strike by the first team squad. Oh and we won the league that season as well! By the way, 'Demolition Derby' is still available on DVD. I'm not sure about any recording of that 9 - 1 game. Maybe someone drew a picture of the highlights on a scroll?


We all know how deluded those banjo playing hillbillies from sunderland are. There's a page on Facebook called the '

N.E. Football Banter Page For Newcastle, Sunderland and Middlesbrough' and some of the shite the mackems on there come out with is unreal. In the run up to the 5 - 1 game, one of them said "Wait until Sunday and sunderland will show you who's the best team on Tyneside." Another classic quote was "All Geordies are DELUCTED" while one of his pals really hurt our feelings by telling us we are 'DISGRACELESS'. One mackem reckons they beat a non - league team in the League Cup. Aye, I was shaking my head as well when I read that. This nonsense is a regular occurence from the mackems but despite their relentless stupidity, I doubt any of them will ever beat the utter fuckwit who writes for their forum 'Ready To Go'. After the 1 - 1 draw at St James' Park last season, I was sent a link by a mate. It was from the aforementioned forum and to this day I cringe at the very thought of what was written. I've even seen some mackems say they are embarassed by it. Here are a few quotes from that article but before you read them, please remember that this moron is writing about a DRAW. Not a win, but a DRAW.


'Sunday was different. It hasn't even subsided but it could already be part of Sunderland folklore.'


'It has the feel, taste and smell of SAFC history. One of those "I was there" games to tell the grandkids about. And that is much, much more important than a dropped couple of points.'


'From Short in the stands, to MON on the touchline, through to our captain Catts - the footballing equivalent of Russell Crowe's Gladiator - this was, in the best sense of the words, Us against Them.'


'And make no mistake, Us won.'


Us won eh? Won what? 'Illiterate Twat Of The Year Award'? 'Stupidest Comment After A Draw Award'? Yes, these things were really said by a mackem and I bet every single one of his readers was hanging on every single word he wrote. If you don't believe me, here's the link:



http://www.readytogo.net/archives/002355.html And they wonder why we laugh!


Mackems were trying to mock us because we drew at Anfield. That game took place 24 hours after they lost at home to an awful Aston Villa side. They were banging on about that 'second season syndrome' thing for all of our second season back in the Premier League, telling us we would go back down. We finished 5th. Up until we lost away to eventual champions, Manchester City, they claimed we hadn't played anyone. Which didn't say much for their own team as we beat them in that run of unbeaten games where we apparently didn't play any good teams. In our first season back in the big time, we had a respectable mid - table finish. Yes, we messed up on the last day of that season by blowing a 3 - 0 lead to West Brom which meant the mackems finished above us. All of a sudden, the day we battered them 5 -1 didn't count any more according to those scruffs from doon the road. To quote the great philosopher Simon O'Rourke; well ok he's not a philosopher, he does the sport on the North East news; but he is a man of wisdom: "In ten years time, nobody will remember who finished tenth, but EVERYONE will remember that 5 - 1 hammering Newcastle gave sunderland."


They tried to take the piss when our beloved stadium was renamed but they didn't bank on the Geordies discovering that sunderland used to play at grounds called Newcastle Road and The Dolly Field. They said St James' Park is a shithole, yet their last little ground was condemned and had woodworm, while their new place with the stolen name cost about £7 to build and will be going on the back of a scrapman's Transit in a few years. They take the piss because we took less than 100 fans to Greece for a Europa League game but they only come close to filling their ground when we go there or when Take That do a gig. They reckon Cisse is shite but their second top scorer is a Newcastle player. Adam Johnson was going to be the man to fire them up the league but they've turned on him after only a couple of months because he's been poor for them.


The bragging rights remain on Tyneside. Despite pre - match predictions from the most deluded 'fans' in the world that they would "batter us this time", blah, blah, blah, it took an own goal from Demba Ba to give the home crowd something to cheer. Instead of getting behind their team in their biggest game of the season after Cabaye's early goal, those vile creatures from the wear used up most of their energy by chanting that sick crap at Steven Taylor. There's nowt wrong with rivalry and a bit of banter but there's no excuse for wishing someone dead. And I remember their favourite Geordie, Steve Bruce, claiming we have no class.


#He'd rather save stamps


He'd rather save stamps


sunderland's a shithole


And Taylor winds up the tramps#


On the banter page I mentioned earlier, a lot of mackems accused me of taking the piss out of sunderland rather than talk about football. This was my response:


'Do sunderland 'fans' think Jim's Dad should stick with the flat back 10 or throw caution to the wind and use Fletcher and his huge fucking ears in a three - pronged attack?'


The mackems weren't amused and I got some stick for that. You can't win can you! Mackems accuse us of obsession when we talk about them but they don't get it that we're taking the piss and there's a big difference. It's all just a bit of banter and while that lot continue to monitor/stalk all things Newcastle United in the faint hope that they might find something to give them one over on us, we'll carry on with the jokes, etc.


The Toon are chugging along nicely this season. We haven't been on top form but we've ground out a few results which have kept us in the mix. The return to Europe has been a success so far and the lads who have come in for these games have done well. We might even win a cup. Is this really possible or am I being deluded?

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