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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 18:29
Edited On: 15/10/2019 18:30Mental Health Referral
I spent 30 mins on Friday talking to a mental health nurse about my depression.

Today in the post I receive some leaflets and websites to look at. Basically XXXXXX off and donít bother us.

I may as well resign myself to a life of misery, Iíve been miserable since 1999 so another twenty years of hating myself should come easy.

Honestly whatís the XXXXXX point in asking for help.
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TheFair86 Posted on 15/10/2019 18:39

Mental Health Referral
I think a lot of the problem is everyone is aware of mental health but there is no money to do anything about it

My ex had an eating disorder and because she was over 18 that was it, very little help. Took her no end of referrals to just get someone to talk to about it but no proper treatment, but if under 18 there was wards she could have gotten admitted to etc but as an adult itís like ďget on with itĒ

What is the root of your depression, if you know?
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 18:45

Mental Health Referral
My sexuality
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Jonny_Rondos_Disco_pants Posted on 15/10/2019 18:52

Mental Health Referral
Youíve made a step in the right direction again.

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Dagenham_Steve Posted on 15/10/2019 18:56

Mental Health Referral
I'm not sure if you have tried giving switchboard LGBT helpline a call. They will listen and offer support. Weblink added.

Link: Switchboard
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 19:05

Mental Health Referral
Absolute XXXXXX rubbish they mentioned organising CBT over the phone but the letter is just hereís a leaflet get on with it

Iíve an appointment with the doctor on Thursday Iím just going to have to say Iím not happy with what they say

Theyíve made me feel like a worthless piece of XXXXXX

Iím going out for a drive now to distract myself Iíll be back later XXXXXX knows where Iíll end up
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 15/10/2019 19:37

Mental Health Referral
Where do you live? Every now and then I get depression bad as f*ck out of nowhere that lasts a few weeks. When I've been to the GP I've always been given a number to ring and told if I ring that I would be talked to over the phone and offered therapy after that if needed. Only ever took it up once and got to speak to someone but it wasn't for me. But got to see someone within a week. Just seems bizarre to be fobbed off with leaflets.
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 19:50

Mental Health Referral

The bloke I spoke to was in Peterborough
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 15/10/2019 19:56

Mental Health Referral
I think a good start would be your GP who could then put you in contact with someone. Sure there might be waiting lists, but you won't be fobbed off with leaflets.
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 20:04

Mental Health Referral
These are the people my GP referred me to when I went for help
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billyred Posted on 15/10/2019 20:04

Mental Health Referral
i had to wait months on end to get a cbd appointment in stockton,[:(!]
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Burra Posted on 15/10/2019 20:05

Mental Health Referral
What sort of help do you hope to receive?
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 20:27

Mental Health Referral
I have no idea what help I need

I expected a bit more than a letter along the lines of ďhere are some leaflets you might find helpful hope you feel better soonĒ
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Borotommo Posted on 15/10/2019 20:34

Mental Health Referral
I know it's not for everyone, but there are a number of professionals out there who may be able to help. I got directed to an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) practitioner and a Mindfulness CBT expert, who have really helped me with my depression and anxiety. I'm sure there'll be a few of these listed locally, and most offer free first-off discussion. Rates can then vary for ongoing sessions from about £60 to £100 per hour.
It's helped me dig myself out of the worst of it, although I'm still prone to bouts of both.
Might be worth a try, and an investment. As they're private, they should have much quicker availibility.
Good luck. Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault you feel like this.
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DowningAlbion Posted on 15/10/2019 20:41

Mental Health Referral
Unfortunately it is a minefield. There are some very good and very bad GP's re Mental Health, same for counsellors, therapists etc

There is no quick fix someone else can apply but by not giving up and continuing to take whatever positive action you can, however small, you can start to feel some relief from it
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 20:50

Mental Health Referral
Itís just an evil disease and itís wearing me down

I canít function any longer I go to Work but come home alone I never see anyone or do anything at weekends in the evenings

I canít bring myself to clean and tidy up, do the washing and ironing and I leave washing up for days. Iíve lost interest in tv and Netflix and to an extent the football. I canít concentrate on anything.

I met a lad last week and went for a coffee but he pretended to be interested and led me on. Iím so lonely and gullible

I only have my family but my mother doesnít accept Iím gay and i just get constant criticism of everything I do. I have some. Friends but I hardly ever see them, the neighbours are horrible and abuse their access to my back yard and are just generally inconsiderate. This whole thing started over a badly painted fence and paint thrown over my garden path and back yard and refusal to say sorry and clear it up ,

Yes my life is THAT pathetic.

All I want is to be loved. And for a doctor to talk to me and understand that and try to make me feel better but it just wonít ever happen.

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randy Posted on 15/10/2019 21:16

Mental Health Referral

I am a researcher and writer on the subject of severe depression. First thing your GP needs to do is to diagnose you. This will decide whether you are mild-moderate depressed or severely depressed. As you have not mentioned feeling suicidal,then the good news is you are likely to be not severely depressed. So a talking therapy should work for you such as cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT).
A lot depends on the skills of the psychotherapist If you feel they are not on your wavelength and it's not working for you, then you must ask to switch therapists and keep on going until you find the one that will work. Do not take no for an answer and keep on banging tables until you find the therapist that does it for you.
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 21:29
Edited On: 15/10/2019 21:31
Mental Health Referral
Mild depression was mentioned I believe last time.

I am going back on Thursday anyway guess Iím just gonna have to try and get across how unhappy I am with the response.

The leaflets are for the crisis response in Peterborough snd cambs and mind. I just feel Iíve been cast aside. I was expecting these people to help me at least form a plan if attack and follow up.
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BigUnit Posted on 15/10/2019 21:40

Mental Health Referral
I do feel your pain mate and suffer myself
One thing I always try to remember when it hits is this statement
Nothing is permanent mate.
Take care
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randy Posted on 15/10/2019 21:43

Mental Health Referral
HI aet

Absolutely no doubt in my mind - you need to talk to a psychotherapist or counsellor. I don't know the treatment system in Cleveland but in some areas you can refer yourself to a psychotherapist. Insist on a one to one not a group session. Access to a psychotherapist can sometimes take a long time but insist that your GP refer you urgently which could get you an appointment in weeks rather than waiting months.
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 21:47

Mental Health Referral
Randy [^][^][^]

Thank you Iíll say that to the gp
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r00fie1 Posted on 15/10/2019 21:52

Mental Health Referral
You can start by getting in touch with I.A.P.T [Improved access to psychological therapies] tomorrow morning after 09:00 or self - refer online:

Welcome to the CPFT Psychological Wellbeing Service page

Call 0300 300 0055

The self referral line is open from 9am to 4pm, Monday to Friday, excluding Bank Holidays.

Please Note: We aim to contact people within about 6 weeks of self referral.

* How can we help?

This service is set up to help those aged 17 and over who are suffering from mild to moderate depression and anxiety disorders including generalised anxiety, social anxiety, post traumatic stress, health anxiety, panic, phobia or obsessive compulsive disorder. All of the talking therapies offered as part of our Psychological Wellbeing Service work by helping you understand what is happening to you, help you to work through your difficult feelings and learn new ways of coping in order to improve your wellbeing. *

* What services do we offer?

We offer a range of treatment options to help you make changes in your life, improve your wellbeing, and to help you cope with your difficulties. These include:

Self-help reading materials / guided self-help
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT),
Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Courses for groups including Mindfulness
Online options, telephone and face to face work *


* LGBT+ Switchboard


0300 330 0630

10am Ė 10pm, every day

Email: chris@switchboard.lgbt
* Lifeline

0808 808 21 21

7pm to 11pm, 365 days a year.

Cambridgeshire Mental Health Helpline. Free when ringing from all mobiles and landlines.
* CALM (For Men)

0800 58 58 58


5pm-Midnight, 365 days a year


People living in Cambridgeshire & Peterborough can now access a new mental health team when they dial 111. [option 2]



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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 22:31

Mental Health Referral
From that long list of phone numbers I now realise the NHS couldnít care less about my mental health

Goodnight and god bless
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Cosmonaut Posted on 15/10/2019 22:49
Edited On: 15/10/2019 22:50
Mental Health Referral
aet - I've been reading your posts and wanted to respond but never known what to say, there's been so many good guys on here replying and being a great help so I was encouraged to see this happening [^]

I'm really sorry you appear to be struggling again. I know myself just what a XXXXXX depression is. It's a cancer of the soul, it can destroy everything in your life, work, friends, family .. and it's just awful when you're feeling so bad and not everyone fully understands what you are going through. It's even more infuriating when you see XXXXXXy XXXXXXs online and elsewhere denying depression is a real illness.

I have suffered it for over 16 years now. I didn't recognise it as a problem when it first began in school, roughly in my last two years. Soon as my teens hit, I was struck down bad. It affected my school attendance, exam grades .. I'd spend so long in bed and totally changed from an enthusiastic, bright kid to a sloth .. just on another planet completely.

In college I recovered somewhat, but I drank so much that it covered what I'd really be going through if I stayed in on a night sober ... then into my early 20s is when it got horrific.

I was a musician so I played in bands, done gigs all over the place and drank so much it helped mask what was underlying .. then after I'd lived in London at guitar uni ... I realised it was destroying a lot of things in my life. I had abused a lot of things to help cover the symptoms, but in turn .. it just makes things a million times worse.

I moved back to Boro towards my late 20s and my issues just snowballed and snowballed. I felt like my problem was unique and so bad, it would never be helped. I have a history on my Dad's side of bad mental health. My younger brother was also admitted onto a ward at Roseberry Park and it was one of the scariest things I've seen, and made us so upset in the family. I'm happy to say though he's doing brilliantly well nowadays. His recovery has been remarkable, never seen anything like it.

I am still suffering to this day, I think it's something that never leaves you if it's at a certain level of severity. It is something you have to learn to manage but I know just how hard it is to do this. Especially for folk who don't have as much family and friends to reach out to.

It infuriates me when I see so many patients being sent from pillar to post trying to get help for their condition. Some find it hard to admit to GPs at the first point just how severe their problem is with their mental health. They are just sent away with a prescription for an SSRI-type drug and then not taken as seriously as they should be. These drugs are ones that seem to work for certain people, but I think I had tried pretty much every one they prescribe nowadays in this category of drugs, and not one helped me at all. I remember being prescribed Seroxat, there was a lot of bad press about this particular drug. It made me 100 times worse, the withdrawal from this and many other SSRIs is so hard to describe it's that awful. I have always said it's the worst pain I've ever experienced. Just mental torture.

I had also tried the talking therapies they give to patients. They started me on that ridiculous phone CBT and it was pathetic, I'm sorry to say. I ended up being so sick of it I just cut contact and made a point to my GP it was useless. From this point I seemed to just be treated with contempt by my GP and any others I seen still trying to seek help.

Our NHS is something I am very proud of and a strong advocate for, I worked for the local mental health trust Tees Esk & Wear Valleys in a number of departments. Not as a mental health worker, more within finance and then information department etc. I got to see though just how huge this problem has become these days, the numbers have surged. It's terrifying and I hope we find a way to deal with this matter soon but I am discouraged when I hear rumours about our health service being privatised post-Brexit, I do not trust the Tories and as soon as this happens, if it does .. the sh1t will hit the fan. I sincerely hope this never happens and we work to make our health service better and we improve things like mental health treatment.

There are good doctors and more within our local mental health trust who do a lot of good, but it alarms me how bad things seem to be when it comes to first point of contact for patients seeking help. This is something that absolutely must improved, it's just disheartening to see that it's not being taken as seriously as it should be in certain areas.

AET - I hope you find the peace you are seeking, and there's someone, somewhere that is going to do you the world of good and take the pain away. You sound like a cracking fella and it'd be great to hear you finally get the help you need, where ever it may be.

I wish I could do more to help, but there's only so much you can do posting on a message board!

Keep posting on here, letting us know how you're doing. Everyone wants to see you getting better, and I will keep an eye on every post you make. If I come across anything in the meantime I think may be useful to you, I'll be sure to let you know.

Stay strong pal. You will beat this XXXXXX and I wish you best for the future, will be delighted to hear you've got things back on track, keep us updated. I know it's super hard though, to say the least. People have to have a lot of patience and let someone deal with it at their own pace. I hope to hear you're getting better sooner than later, though [^]
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 23:02

Mental Health Referral
This is exactly the problem cosmonaut

They havenít a clue how to deal with this. The fact that I went to my GP, i then have a half hour phone call with a so called expert to then get cast aside and fobbed off with some photo copied leaflets in the post is quite frankly appalling

I went through counselling twenty years ago and the guy was basically a bully and I was paying for the privilege.

I had another episode about five six years ago and some prat of a GP just made me fill in a tick box questionnaire and prescribed anti depressants that made me sick

They really havenít got a XXXXXX clue.

I really would be better off dead, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind of that. But you canít get that across to anyone.
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r00fie1 Posted on 15/10/2019 23:16

Mental Health Referral
Some of those phone numbers are in your area.
There is little out there but what there is you have to grasp it.

Why not ask your GP to refer you to your local CMHT?

Start somewhere.

There are lots of examples of bitter experience clouding our judgement but those out there who can provide support will also expect you to engage with the service.

Its not easy but nothing will reach out to you unless you let it know where you are. We all know the disgraceful way governments have treated mental health services as the cinderella compared to physical health, but that doesnt make anyone feel any better.

If you continue to have issues with your mental health and you have engaged with some services before then it doesnt come as a shock to know how patchy they can be and how much you need to persevere. If some of those issues relate to your sexuality then you will have to reach out to those organisations who can offer advice and support.

There is no magical cure for mental health issues - which Im sure you know - but striking the balance between mental and physical health and wellbeing can be a long process. Medication is only part of that intervention. Mindfulness is another useful tool. Meeting up with people experiencing similar issues around coming out and living amongst fear and ignorance is also a possiblity. Snap chat. Online professional chat services. Listening services like the samaritans , Mind and others are also an option.

Nothing will happen unless you take the first step. The least productive option is inpatient which is frequently reduced top a behaviour management exercise and discharge as soon as possible, so I wouldnt give it a thought.

Never give up.
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aet290204 Posted on 15/10/2019 23:37

Mental Health Referral
Roofie I was appalled that after plucking up courage to going to a GP and being referred i was fobbed off with a half hearted letter and a couple of leaflets. I need an arm around me and Iím not getting it. i spent all day Sunday in bed because I had no reason to get up. It will only need another confrontation with next door or something else to tip me over the edge - of that i am sure. I already know where I will go to do it - will either be in front of a train at st Neots station or Iíll jump in the quarry at the RSPB reserve at needingworth

Oh well.
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Cosmonaut Posted on 16/10/2019 00:49

Mental Health Referral
Oh, damn [|)]

I know you don't want to hear 'I know how you feel' and those stories from those who've 'been there' as it can feel so unique to ones' self when dealing with this horrible affliction.

Just wanted to say though I experienced the feeling of thinking you'd be better off dead, a problem the world can do without or simply that you aren't being taken seriously enough that since there's seemingly no help, why bother carrying on?? I won't lie, it creeps up on me still to this day but I would never be the kind who could do that sort of thing.

I think you should call someone Aet, I know you don't feel like these services are useful but do you ever ring your local crisis team? I think someone needs to be with you. There's got to be a few numbers you can find to make a call. These folk need to take your problem seriously and give you the help and treatment you need urgently. I damn well hope something can be done.

Please don't hurt yourself in any way, Aet. It breaks my heart to know it's happening. We all will help you as much as we can and it's important you keep posting here so we know you're OK.

I have put my friends and family through hell over the years when they have been trying to keep in contact with me, and I taken their concern as just some inconvenient noseying I could do without. At times it would send me into a rage, people turning up knocking on the door without notice. Stuff like that. I needed my own time to get through it alone, whether it takes weeks, months or years .. but from the outside looking in folk want you to find some magic wand it seems.

It's frustrating as hell hearing from others suggestions you know haven't worked or comments that you hear over and over. I always thought though that there's got to be a time I finally find the help I need, whether it involves going back to someone or some place you've been before. Maybe this time it will work out?

Have you got a dog, Aet?? I found this was a very good way of helping me through things. I absolutely love him, and recommended it to many as people do. They can change you in quite a big way. I aren't sure if you have already thought about this or had one before. I think it'd be something that would do you good though if you can.

I haven't attended many Boro games at all lately, as it's been so miserable .. especially at the moment! Though I still go to games over the Xmas period quite a bit and the odd one any other time.

If I knew you were getting yourself to a game any time, I'd meet you for a beer [^]

Give someone a ring mate if the night seems unbearable. I hope the services in your area can finally direct you towards a path that will suit you and work out.
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SailOnSailor Posted on 16/10/2019 12:18

Mental Health Referral
The current issues around mental health isn't mearly lack of resources but the fact mental health funding is going to non NHS services. commissioners in pcts have since labour government introduced the Any Qualified Providers process been able to commission services from who they want not just NHS. Two areas most impacted were counselling and drug/alcohol services which are now mostly non NHS. So in case depression the guidance is talking therapy and often antidepressants. This means that if someone is assessed by NHS mental health team and the needs are for talking therapy/medication then it's GP and a talking therapy provider not the NHS team who are contracted by pct, so people get frustrated and angry feeling fobbed off as they think they will be helped but then get sent off someplace else
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aet290204 Posted on 16/10/2019 18:47

Mental Health Referral
After this Iím not going to bump this thread again but last night the red mist descended when I opened the letter and I just feel back at square one. I am much calmer tonight but Iíve got home from work and gone straight to bed as Iíve no reason to stay up.

Cosmo, unfortunately I canít have a dog as I work 9-5, live alone and I commute an hour each way so am out from 7-8am to 6-7pm. As much as i would love one for the company i donít think it would be fair to leave a
Dog on its own all day. Iíve no one who would look after it too. I have asked but got rebuffed, such is my lovely family and so called support network.

Iím going to talk to the GP tomorrow. Hopefully we can get some positive action but Iím not holding my breath
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TheFair86 Posted on 16/10/2019 18:48

Mental Health Referral
Get a cat. They are far more independent than a dog and wont care that you are at work all day because they will be asleep anyway. We have two cats and they have been great companions for the last 16 years.
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 16/10/2019 19:46

Mental Health Referral
One thing I can say to you is it doesn't last forever, and it will get better. It always does. I get depression for no reason every couple of years which passes. No big deal. But about three months ago I f*cked my shoulders up. Bodybuilding is my life, and it slowly crept up on me to the point I was ready to take my own life two weeks ago. I'm now pretty much fine after I was dragged to the doctor. All it took was me to talk to someone. So try and stay positive, because things will get better. And don't be ashamed, you should never care what people think of you.
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Boro_Boro_Boro Posted on 16/10/2019 20:22
Edited On: 16/10/2019 20:27
Mental Health Referral
would it be possible for you to do something completely different to take you out of the zone?

what about volunteering for a charity on the night or weekend?

if you're any good at footie look for a local club and start working on your coaching badges

if none of that floats your boat, what about an educational course to boost your skills?

What other interests do you have that could be developed into something?

can you make stuff? crafts, cook, collect stuff? what interests you? cars, planes, ships, trains?

Im not talking full on anorak but just something that pricks an interest you could follow.

you said you cant have a dog for work reasons, but what about volunteering for a dog charity as a dog walker on an evening/weekend?

all would lead to new friendship circles.

worse case scenario, would a move to a different part of the country be out of the question? you seem pretty isolated where you are so a change of location might give you the boost you need.
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 16/10/2019 20:29

Mental Health Referral
I was going to say that myself Boro_Boro_Boro. Talking and medication etc is a good start, but if the root cause is loneliness then eventually it is something you have to do for yourself.
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The_Right_Honourable_Member Posted on 16/10/2019 21:05
Edited On: 16/10/2019 21:07
Mental Health Referral
Obviously a very difficult situation and hard to understand unless you're the person experiencing it. Something that will need to change is trying to balance out all the negativity with some positive factors. Some small initial steps could be huge and they could create a pathway to dealing with this in the form of an holistic approach. There's rarely one answer to these things and working out a strategy that works will provide empowerment and a sense of control.

There's no question that changing the situation is difficult and the will to do so is contradictory to how you feel. That's why suggesting hobbies and pets, etc can seem useless as there's no desire to take on extra responsibility or put yourself out there into the mix. Of course, these things can have a role to play but they make up part of a building block rather than working in isolation. Same goes for things such as exercise and diet and building a structure to existence. There's also many other things to consider, even walking with your head looking up rather than down can make a big difference.

Seeing a good therapist is going to be a good idea as there's possibly things going on that requires a professional to assist you in unpicking some of the thought processes and patterns of feeling and behaviour. Clarity increases awareness and that will in turn help understanding what is going on. It's quite common for people to unconsciously exist in a problematic state because it's what they are familiar with and breaking free from it is so scary. There'a a distinct phobia of what that reality might entail. That's why making changes can sometimes almost seem impossible.

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aet290204 Posted on 17/10/2019 15:26
Edited On: 17/10/2019 15:27
Mental Health Referral
I know I said I wouldnít bump again but Iíve been to see my GP again and ...

The doctor said I was the third or fourth person he had seen that the referral people had done exactly the same too. Shared my frustrations, and told me it was about cutbacks in funding. He recommended i contact one of the organisations mentioned but thought there would be a long waiting time.

Itís just utterly hopeless isnít it.
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Boro_Boro_Boro Posted on 17/10/2019 15:41

Mental Health Referral
Hi aet

Sorry to hear that the GP wasn't any better help.

I think its clear now that you have only one option of professional help and you are going to have to make that first contact to one of those organisations. Its going to be hard on you to do it, but see it as the first step into a new future for yourself.

at the end of the day you deserve to be happy (or at least not unhappy) so you owe it to yourself to give it a try.

Have you thought any more about what I posted last night? I am happy to act as a sounding board on here for any ideas of your interests if it would help...
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aet290204 Posted on 17/10/2019 16:28

Mental Health Referral
I read it and it all makes sense Boro Boro Boro

Iím actually not too bad today, Iím certainly less miserable than I have been for a while. That is not to say my problems have gone away. Working from home today so Iíll be less knackered from the commute and might actually have some energy to do something tonight
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Boro_Boro_Boro Posted on 17/10/2019 16:40

Mental Health Referral
Good stuff... We have a decent evening up here with a bit of sun... What do you fancy doing?
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aet290204 Posted on 17/10/2019 17:54

Mental Health Referral
Oh itíll just be cleaning the house from top to bottom nothing exciting but itís something I rarely have the energy to do.
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Boro_Boro_Boro Posted on 17/10/2019 19:32

Mental Health Referral
Cleaning... hate doing it but have a bit of OCD with it too... hate a mess and have to tidy up or it really bugs me.

Do you watch many films? If you do what stuff are you in to?
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aet290204 Posted on 17/10/2019 22:53

Mental Health Referral
Not a massive film lover I have to say. Watched rocket man the other week. When I lived in my last place I met a guy who was a big film/theatre lover and we used to go cinema together. Like most people who come into my life it was a bad choice. I found out through the local paper that he was jailed for being a paedophile eighteen months ago.

No one who knows me in real life knows that story. I am so ashamed that I got taken in by him.
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Uncle_Marbles Posted on 17/10/2019 23:01

Mental Health Referral

Sorry to hear that aet. We can so easily be taken in by people.
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Boro_Boro_Boro Posted on 17/10/2019 23:16

Mental Health Referral
Not seen Rocketman yet... I dont mind his music but not sure I could sit through a 2 hour film about him lol... although I do like Taron Egerton as an actor... I have liked most of his films so far.

One i did like in a similar format was Bohemian Rhapsody. I love the music but the story of how they came to be as a group has always interested me.

With regards to that bloke... How were meant you to know? Last time I checked (granted it was 12 years ago) but you never ask for a full background check and DBS before going on a date or chatting on tinder etc.

bottom line is that you did find out and as a result kicked him to the curb and moved on.

What sort of music are you in to?
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Cosmonaut Posted on 17/10/2019 23:29
Edited On: 17/10/2019 23:32
Mental Health Referral
Having had a glance through this thread, I am glad to see aet is still posting.

When it comes to GPs, aet, something needs to be done about the disregard and contempt that still exists when it comes to speaking to a patient absolutely desperate for help. I literally had one GP named Dr Ramen .. he shrugged his shoulders at me and said 'what do you want me to do about it?' ... I walked out slammed the door I was seething and close to tears.

It infuriates me seeing these 'time to talk' campaigns with celebs such as Nob 'Ed Sheeran and Prince Harry, when I don't believe any of them have the slightest idea of just how gigantic the issue is throughout the country, as it festers and festers.

I'm all for awareness campaigns, it's just the irony that infuriates me when they choose a time like this to do so, when mental health services are arguably at their worse and as cynical as I may sound, I don't think anyone bats an eyelid.

I understand it costs money. But then again why is it that a patient who'll show signs of physical illness will be dealt with, and those battling the black dog are just brushed aside with leaflets, or someone making things up just to obtain a few tablets.

I've been left at times thinking perhaps if I throw myself in front of a car, then I'll be listened to a treated as I need.

Sadly, this is what's happening now.

Those in Govt. right now claim to be getting record numbers when it comes to success in NHS, when it's a load of horse XXXXXX in all honesty. The Tories have exacerbated the issue with their welfare reform policy. Universal Credit in the poorest areas has seen suicides rocket. They have blood on their hands, and nor do they give a XXXXXX. As long as they're paid and in their private pads, what's depression to them?? Just someone scrounging from the state.

We need to start dealing with this cancer on our society in a new way. I may sound a chunt but I'm absolutely tired of seeing celebrities etc in adverts trying to 'raise awareness' when I see absolutely nothing being done when it comes to nipping an issue in the bud.

GPs need to be addressed and told to start dealing with mental health in a whole new way.

As in aet's case, it's just beyond belief he's still battling what he is daily. I just want him to get through this and come out the other end a new man. I am confident he will. Keep posting, aet. Keep fighting this 8astard.
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aet290204 Posted on 17/10/2019 23:57

Mental Health Referral
Cosmo I am with you re the utter futility of the mental health day campaigns and the ITV get talking thing they they did with dermot o Leary and during BGT the other week. Utterly futile if you canít get help.

Canít really agree with you about Princes Harry and William though, i am no fan of the royals, and they are very good at making us think that they arenít privileged and are normal, but they will always have my sympathy for being made to walk behind their mothers coffin in full view if the world by their grandfather and father. That would XXXXXX anyone up for life I reckon
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Uncle_Marbles Posted on 17/10/2019 23:57

Mental Health Referral
"GPs need to be addressed and told to start dealing with mental health in a whole new way"

I totally agree, however I know that GPs are not trained to such an extent to deal with the complex issues of depression. (My nephew is a GP and have discussed this in depth with him). I suffer from chronic Tinatus, I am a recovering alcoholic because of this condition and suffered depression for over 10 years..and have been suicidel a number of times. Unfortunately, most GPs do not have the suitable training, time or experience to deal with such a serious, diverse and growing problem.
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xxlshirts_fit_all Posted on 17/10/2019 23:58

Mental Health Referral
can i ask why your sexuality is the biggest issue...

are you happy with your sexuality or is it that you dont feel accepted?

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aet290204 Posted on 18/10/2019 00:08
Edited On: 18/10/2019 00:17
Mental Health Referral
Iíve long since accepted it. Try being gay and living in the middle of nowhere

Itís really hard to meet people, itís so much harder than if I liked women

I told my mum I was gay 15 years ago. She has never mentioned anything about it since.

Itís the isolation and loneliness it causes

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xxlshirts_fit_all Posted on 18/10/2019 00:34

Mental Health Referral
oh, ok....

sorry i dont think i can offer any great solution...
i declared my self depressed last year after several years of miserableness after my life changed (not really for the worse)

i read posts on here and just thought i needed to say something about my feelings. I went to doctors, to sitroline(sp?) felt worse, evened out, waited for a consultation with a councilor and ended up just saying "ah fuch it... its ok to be not ok"

im no better and no worse now, not taking the tablets anymore and just letting things go by...

a quote i read today summed up how it worked for me...

"If you feel like youre loosing everything, remember the tree that loses its leaves every year, it continues to stand tall and wait for the spring and better things"

probably wont help but thats how i felt...

keep talking on here if you need to, one bit of real advice i can give you, dont ever expect supporting he boro to make you feel better [;)]
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Cosmonaut Posted on 18/10/2019 10:36

Mental Health Referral
I regret some of the comments I made in my last post and apologise, though my feelings still remain. I'm just utterly frustrated and disappointed in how there's so many in dire straits who are still struggling to get the help and referrals they need. I understand that NHS services are overwhelmed and more needs to be done. it's as if you have to break down completely before a GP even recognises the seriousness of a patients needs. I posted in anger and it upsets me to read the likes of aet posting in the state they're in.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've visited GPs who seem to be in a rush to get me to leave. Like one who kept looking at his watch, shrugged and said 'what do you want me to do about it?'

I'm 33 years old and I've been talking to doctors about my condition for 18 years.

I remember one time I was given CBT by telephone. It was mostly about having a slice of toast when I wake up on a morning. Not surprisingly, I stopped taking their calls. [:o)]

Anyway, I digress - aet, I hope you're feeling OK today.Let us know how you're getting on. [^]

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aet290204 Posted on 18/10/2019 11:46
Edited On: 18/10/2019 11:48
Mental Health Referral
Cosmo your frustration is well founded.

I had a GP in St Neots who told me off at the initial visit because depression/anxiety wasnít an emergency and Iíd bypassed getting an appointment.

He then got me to fill in a paper questionnaire full of tick boxes to determine if I was depressed or not 🤡

Finally he prescribed anti depressants that made me sick and upset my stomach. And just kept on prescribing different ones each time I went back.

They just ended up being stockpiled.
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Jostler Posted on 18/10/2019 12:19

Mental Health Referral
Hey aet, glad you aren't feeling too bad today.

I've struggled with Anxiety and depression for years and like cosmonaut, covered it with Alcohol. (persuaded myself I was just a party animal, then it became, I'm a professional, I appreciate wine, all the time covering my own issues. I've since given it the boot, and feeling the benefits already. I'm not sure what your drinking habbits are like, but for me that has helped.

People have mentioned having interests, and that's definitely helped me. I've got into growing my own veg and creating a nice garden with a mixture of veg plants an ornimentals has really helped me. I'm 33 and never thought I would like gardening, but it allows you create a space which is living and breathing and can be used to relax in.

There was an epsisode on Gardeners World a few weeks ago about gardneing and mental health, probably still on iPlayer so may be worth a watch.

It might not be for you, but has helped me. In a similar way, how about hiking on weekends? I know there has been previous campaigns between walking organisations and the samaritans.

I don't know Cambridgeshire too well, but you're not a million miles away from the chillterns and the cotswolds, both great for some day hikes on a weekend.

I'm going to keep an eye on this thread, despite constant arguing about most things, there's some great guys on this forum who come through time and again for each other and I'm sure that will continue as long as you have issues thatt need discussing. I really hope you pull through!
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Cosmonaut Posted on 18/10/2019 13:36

Mental Health Referral
aet - that sounds all too familiar

I've had awful experiences with so many doctors, I did finally get one who was decent and in particular, worked a lot in helping mental health.

Eventually he seemed to lose patience with me when I repeated at each appointment that there's been no improvement on my medication. I eventually requested that I am given a different GP.

I have been prescribed pretty much every SSRI-type medication I can think of .. none have helped and probably pickled my brain to XXXXXX

IMO they are awful drugs .. it's quite crackers really how often I've been visiting GPs and never once been referred to a proper psychologist, apart from talking therapies over the phone who tell me to have a slice of toast on a morning.

I can totally understand why so many give up in trying to get help.

I'm not totally writing off the efficacy of the type of meds that are commonly prescribed I mentioned, I know folk who have improved brilliantly on the likes of Citalopram etc .. I just aren't convinced they're the answer for all, and think they're more damaging in the long term.

We're all wired differently. I wish I knew the answer but it's just such a difficult thing to deal with for too many.
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 18/10/2019 14:30

Mental Health Referral
Don't know if you read about that big study into anti-depressants recently Cosmo? It seemed to suggest that they help with anxiety but don't really do anything for depression. So I guess if you are a bit down you probably feel better on them. But if you are severely depressed they aren't going to do f*ck all. I take them and most of the year round I'm totally fine. But a few times I've been as low as you can go, and no tablets will get you through that. My gran was a bit nutty, and she must have past that nutty gene on to my mam and me 😂
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aet290204 Posted on 18/10/2019 21:41
Edited On: 18/10/2019 21:42
Mental Health Referral
See the really disappointing thing from my perspective is Iíve felt XXXXXX for the best part of 20 years.

I had counselling 20 years ago and was treated like XXXXXXe

I went to a GP a few years ago who just dished out anti depressants like smarties (see above)

Iíve felt like i want to die for the past two months I go the doctors and finally get a GP who takes me seriously and the mental health people just decide to photocopy some leaflets.

Kinda sucks.

Unlike Cosmo i canít be XXXXXXd getting angry.

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ClaytonsQuiff Posted on 18/10/2019 21:49

Mental Health Referral
Is there any way we could arrange to meet this chap for a beer and a chat? Would some company help you? You've got such courage talking about it on here...how about some proper company?
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aet290204 Posted on 18/10/2019 22:08

Mental Health Referral
Who me?

Any of you are welcome to pop round mine for a cup of tea.

Iím a three hour drive from Teesside though. Probably not worth it.
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ClaytonsQuiff Posted on 18/10/2019 22:12

Mental Health Referral
I hadn't realised how far away you were. And yes I meant you! Just thought its be nice to let you know you really do have friends here mate
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 18/10/2019 22:19

Mental Health Referral
3 hr drive not worth it? I wouldn't visit family that far 😉
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aet290204 Posted on 18/10/2019 22:20

Mental Health Referral

Hopefully you understand the isolation now
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 19/10/2019 10:46

Mental Health Referral
I understand. I was having a little joke with you.
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r00fie1 Posted on 19/10/2019 11:11

Mental Health Referral
aet - you have got to want to engage.

You`ve told us who is schitt, what hasnt work, how nobody listens, how you dont want or like leaflets, etc.....

If a clinician said to you today "what would your world look like if you could have your ideal" - what would you say?

The point I will make to you is that you keep coming back so you are:

* Clearly motivated
* Willing to engage with people using social media
* Have capacity.
* Your discourse is logical and coherent.
* You have expressed suicidal thoughts but not acted on them.
* You have expressed a desire to change.
* This indicates you have hope for the future.
* You have previously taken positive steps to resolve some of your issues.
* You have highlighted your sexuality as a trigger for depressive thoughts and episodes.
* Isolation suggests a limited support network.

If you "want some help" you need to think what that "help" looks like?

Its you that needs to make that decision and engage to change.

There is no magic pill, talking therapy or magic wand.

You may have to live accepting that depressive episodes are part of your life.

Devising your own coping strategies - using what you have already learnt - can be crucial to sustaining your daily routine.

You may have to compromise and accept that what is out there is all there is and no caring compassionate clinician can procure a resource out of thin air to solve peoples problems.

Sometimes the stark reality isnt much of a comfort - but thats what it is.

Sort out a routine - get up in the morning.

Spend a dedicated part of the day exercising - go out walking for an hour.

Get off this computer every hour for 20 minutes and complete a useful task in your place - wash up. Get the hoover out. Tidy the book case. Make sure all your clothes are tidy. Clean your shoes.

If you believe none of this is useful and youve tried it all before, then a thousand angry boro fans or stable load of race horses wont make the slightest bit of difference.

You highlighted being gay as a factor which has a major impact on your mental health - decide what you can change and what you cant.

"I wish" is not an answer.

We have to deal with what is and what we can control.

Yesterday is history which we cannot change.
We start again every day.


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DowningAlbion Posted on 19/10/2019 11:20

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Good post Roof [^]
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aet290204 Posted on 19/10/2019 20:30

Mental Health Referral
Did someone above say that supporting Middlesbrough wasnít a good idea if you suffered with depression?

Bad news for everyone is Iíve got tickets for Fulham and I canít remember the last time I saw The Boro win. So apologies in advance for a 1-0 away win next weekend. Itís my birthday too so itíll ruin that as well.

Roofie tremendous post. Much food for thought.

Been in bed since 7:30. No reason to stay up.
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Fuchs_ache Posted on 19/10/2019 21:04

Mental Health Referral
Supporting Middlesbrough isn't good if you do or donít suffer depression. [:D]
Iíll lump a few quid on your 1-0 scoreline [^]
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Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 19/10/2019 21:44

Mental Health Referral
Roofie [^]
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aet290204 Posted on 19/10/2019 21:50

Mental Health Referral
I just want to say thank you to everyone Who has commented on this post.

Roofie has it bang on that I do want to rid myself of this horrible affliction but Iíve no idea how to make a start.

I just feel so let down by the NHS. I wanted the referral to present me with options and help me plan a way forward. Perhaps I should have told them after i spoke to them I was going to throw myself in front of a train. Oh well.

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hielo Posted on 19/10/2019 22:18

Mental Health Referral
aet losing at home to Fulham will have nothing to do with you. [smi]

You're not going to the Huddersfield game are you? [:D]
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aet290204 Posted on 19/10/2019 22:22

Mental Health Referral
No but itís on sky so Iíll be watching at home 🏡

Which is probably just as bad !
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TokyoJoe Posted on 19/10/2019 22:26

Mental Health Referral
1finny lives down your way. Maybe he could meet you for a pint and a chat?
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hielo Posted on 19/10/2019 22:33

Mental Health Referral
Well I'll be at the game and my away record isnt very good. Put that together with your record and weve got no chance lol. Oh well its only a game.
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aet290204 Posted on 08/11/2019 09:36

Mental Health Referral
I shredded the leaflets.

They are of no use to me whatsoever, like the referral and my GP.

I was at the Fulham game. Great weekend won some money at Doncaster Races on the way up and on an football acca - we bet on a Boro drawing. You lot might have thought it was crap game but I enjoyed it, Just for once it felt great to be normal for a bit.

Breakfast at the cafe on Saltburn prom on the Sunday
Then back to reality. Anxiety attack before I set off for home. Non stop crying all afternoon after dropping my mate off and getting home.

Today Iím off sick. Iíve got yet another stomach bug. Im in so much pain, and Iím so XXXXXX cold Iím convinced there is something wrong with me. Part of me wants to be struck down by something terminal so I donít have to carry on with this miserable life. Itís cold itís wet this weather is depressing I just want to see sun light.

Iíve honestly no idea which way to turn. I guess Iíve just got to accept Iím going to be miserable and unhappy until the day I die
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Clingon33 Posted on 08/11/2019 16:55

Mental Health Referral
Keep challenging yourself anything will do so long as it's nothing too altruistic cos sometimes that's not the best thing to do. I have stuck to cold showers and that's a real thing to get on with. It's cold now so it's getting more fun.Also focus on your nutrition. Watch YouTube health videos and find someone to follow that impresses you. Keep on.
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parmoboy Posted on 08/11/2019 17:14

Mental Health Referral
"Today Iím off sick. Iíve got yet another stomach bug. Im in so much pain, and Iím so XXXXXX cold Iím convinced there is something wrong with me"

If that's a big cause of your anxiety go and see your GP and request a health check. It will give you peace of mind at least.
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Clingon33 Posted on 08/11/2019 17:23
Edited On: 08/11/2019 17:29
Mental Health Referral
Or focus on the sunlight. Research moving abroad. On YouTube there are lots of expats who explain brilliantly what it's like to move somewhere, say Fuertuventura for example. Time spent in Recce is never lost.
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DowningAlbion Posted on 08/11/2019 18:04

Mental Health Referral
There's some grandiosity and melodrama there, that might be a symptom of your underlying mental health disorder...

But it might also be the booze. I think you might come back on here each time after you've had a few. I could be wrong, but if that is the case you need to try to be honest with yourself about how much you are drinking

It sounds like you have severe depression and anxiety so alcohol is going to have to go for a while anyway, if you want to get better

If you cannot control your drinking please contact AA and do what they advise. It is an instant support network and gives you a well defined path to recovery
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DowningAlbion Posted on 08/11/2019 18:12

Mental Health Referral
Also, the "stomach bugs" could well be depression & anxiety related (e.g. IBS) and not actually bugs at all. Stomach problems are a symptom of severe anxiety...
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Nosmo-King Posted on 08/11/2019 19:10

Mental Health Referral
aet,I suffered from depression 6 years ago. The background was I lost my wife 22 days after diagnosis. I really thought my life had ended too. I had counselling- did not work for me. Anti depressants, time and a will not to give up- my late wife would have been very disappointed if I had.

Speaking candidly, I had to handle a lot by myself. When you thought you were weak you were strong. You need a strong interest. Learn to like yourself. Learn to value yourself . Be brave, be strong. The person that helped me most was myself.

Try to be yourself and be proud of what you are. Good luck, fella.
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Clingon33 Posted on 08/11/2019 21:33

Mental Health Referral
Shaman on Netflix has a lad with life depression on it and is worth a watch cos some of the language on here mirrors that which the lad in the documentary uses. I am not suggesting you see a shaman btw.
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aet290204 Posted on 08/11/2019 21:49

Mental Health Referral
None of my replies to this have updated Iíve tried three times now I wasnít drunk or hungover earlier and Iíve got ibs but like the depression the doctors wonít or canít do anything about it
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r00fie1 Posted on 08/11/2019 22:08

Mental Health Referral
Arron Rhodes on the Rhodes Bros on YouTube - hes a good lad.
Plenty of good advice and an outlook on life which is left field.[^]
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Fluffy-Carpet Posted on 08/11/2019 22:36

Mental Health Referral
I know how you feel. I've been contemplating suicide for months. Mine is because of pain though. I'm in agony all the time because of torn shoulders and can't sleep. It's got so ridiculous that the only comfy seat is the car. So I've slept in my car the last few weeks. Ive got to wait till February to be seen, but can't see how I'll last a few more days let alone months. At least you have the games to look forward too 😂
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