Saving Garry Monk
By @colashniko
Thursday 10 Aug 2017 12:59:00
Browse all Boro Views articles
I like all most Boro fans, staff and generally anyone associated with the club. But I save a special, almost maternal bond for our managers, for one single reason: they're the only ones who don't believe we're doomed to fail. You can see it in their eyes: they actually believe we'll overcome. "By far the greatest team the world has ever seen," us faithful often sing. But we don't actually mean it. The gaffer however, does. He really does think that with him at the wheel, we've got a one-way ticket on a Wi-Fi enabled bus to the pinnacle of European and World football.

With this maternal bond in mind - and being an all-round good egg - I sometimes ponder how to save our innocent gaffers from the stress of their belief. I often thought Aitor would've loved a tour of the Basque country, watching bullfights and grazing on tapas and wine. "More Serrano ham, Aitor?" I'd say, and his mind would finally be set free from the impossible task of making Boro champions of Europe.

So it was with great interest I have watched Garry Monk's first few weeks in charge. Like a Love Island contestant, our latest saviour's destiny is to be sent packing after playing away from home. So, how can I set him free from the strain of fighting the inevitable? Well taking one look at his face, I think perhaps what he needs most is a good bit shut of eye. Seriously, he looks like he's spent most nights since being hired taking ketamine whilst pondering how many strikers to buy. "All of them Garry, just get all of them and lets go home, the rave finished three hours ago and training starts in an hour," James Beattie must've uttered several times across the summer.

Whilst the crueller minds amongst you are probably thinking 'just read him this ruddy article and he'll be in nod in no time,' I've already got the perfect antidote to Garry's insomnia already lined up, a lovely toddler's lullaby:

Hush little Garry don't say a word,

Gibbo's gonna buy you a new final third.

But if with you we still don't win,

Gibbo will throw you in the bin.

For once Leeds and Boro will unite,

In thinking your management is sub-optimal.

Poetry and philanthropy in one article. I'll give Mr Monk 18 months before he's canned like a Northern rail project.



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