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RoyalBerkshireFox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:05
Toilet Etiquette

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I was bought up to understand that is polite to leave the seat down for a lady and to clean up after yourself when you leave.
But in recent years every time I go for a dump at work I am generally confronted with water on the seat and on the back of the pan and sometimes also with footprints on the seat.
When did this become acceptable?
Or is it only me that has to wipe the seat and lid every time before I go?
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SohoFox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:20
Toilet Etiquette

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If people can't use a knife and fork why do you think they can use a toilet properly?
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sixthswan Posted on 12/04/2019 11:22
Toilet Etiquette

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Why would you use a knife and fork in a toilet?
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thringyfox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:24
Toilet Etiquette

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Footprints on the seat?[?]
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snootyfox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:34
Toilet Etiquette

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Oh dear, another racist thread [;)]
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northleicsblue Posted on 12/04/2019 11:39
Toilet Etiquette

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footprints on the seat -
some people do that hovering thing because they dont like to sit on the seats because they are, er, dirty
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foxinabox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:46
Toilet Etiquette

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Either that or they're Michael Corleone.
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ArleseyFoxile Posted on 12/04/2019 11:46
Toilet Etiquette

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Footprints?

I have never seen footprints on a toilet seat.

And I go to the toilet every day.

Not sure of the logistics involved in standing on the seat and trying to take a dump. Can anybody explain how that works?
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thringyfox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:48
Toilet Etiquette

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It causes a big splash I would imagine
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bnet Posted on 12/04/2019 11:55
Toilet Etiquette

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try the ones facing Mecca. l used to build extension up the Highields and we had to get advice on the direction of Mecca for the installation, put one in facing Gala once by mistake.
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SohoFox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:56
Toilet Etiquette

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Its to do with certain folk like Moslems like to wash their bottoms with water rather than use toilet paper.
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DogFox Posted on 12/04/2019 11:58
Toilet Etiquette

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Stop moaning and try to fit in man. You can do it, really make splash, promotion awaits.
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northleicsblue Posted on 12/04/2019 12:06
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Thringy [^]

I believe it involves removing all lower clothing then putting shoes back on
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thringyfox Posted on 12/04/2019 12:16
Toilet Etiquette

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Why stand on the seat though? I've had to 'hover' before down at the KP on the one and only time I've had to have a dump there. Someone had unloaded/exploded before me[sad]
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SohoFox Posted on 12/04/2019 12:23
Toilet Etiquette

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They squat on the seat with feet on the seat to have a dump and then pour water over their arrises often using a plastic bottle of water.
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sixthswan Posted on 12/04/2019 12:30
Toilet Etiquette

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Perhaps the photographers who have been put out of business by the up-skirting ruling; can find a new niche here?
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foxinabox Posted on 12/04/2019 12:30
Toilet Etiquette

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If I go into a public convenience and there's a Muslim there washing his feet in the basin, I tend to go straight past 'cultural differences' and go immediately to racism, which is unusual for me.
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billsballbag Posted on 12/04/2019 12:45
Toilet Etiquette

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Whatever

Someone tell me how anyone manages to get their crud to stick to the underneath of the seat.

Seems to be a speciality on cross county trains
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northleicsblue Posted on 12/04/2019 14:36
Toilet Etiquette

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I know *someone* who strips off to have a No. 2
The risks here is where to put your clothes.
This person once had them soaked when they were on the floor and a flood came through under the cubicle.
This person was watching the floodwater creeping through, whilst hovering helplessly.
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RoyalBerkshireFox Posted on 12/04/2019 14:42
Toilet Etiquette

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Racist, Snooty? Not at all, unless you are looking for it to be.
If people had the common courtesy to clean up their mess and left the loo as they found it Is be fine.
I have the same issue with people who XXXXXX on cubicle seats and just leave it for the next guy.
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borebage53 Posted on 13/04/2019 00:40
Toilet Etiquette

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The Coldstream Guards have the cleanest latrines in the British Army!
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Filbo65 Posted on 14/04/2019 00:27
Toilet Etiquette

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This thread is genuine Roof gold [:D][^][:D]
But how no-one has mentioned the Froggies is beyond me [;)]
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northleicsblue Posted on 14/04/2019 03:11
Toilet Etiquette

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Ah the old Trou Normand
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LeicesterRino Posted on 14/04/2019 08:55
Toilet Etiquette

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Do frogs sheet in the pond?
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shanetko Posted on 14/04/2019 09:09
Toilet Etiquette

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The best bit about India is the toilets that have jet sprays. Like having a shower head to spray your arris clean. 1000x better than smearing yourself and never getting properly clean using toilet paper. Amazing that our modern western world is backwards compared to somewhere like India in anything.
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LeicesterRino Posted on 14/04/2019 09:11
Toilet Etiquette

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Bidet
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DagenhamFox Posted on 14/04/2019 14:54
Toilet Etiquette

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NLB, you know someone who strips off when they have a poo?

Why would anyone do that?

That’s one of the most bizarre things ever written on this forum.
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thringyfox Posted on 14/04/2019 14:58
Toilet Etiquette

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Where the hell would you put your clothes? The thought of something dropping on the floor[:O]
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Higher_Power_Fox Posted on 14/04/2019 15:39
Toilet Etiquette

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Ripped up Leicester merc.
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northleicsblue Posted on 14/04/2019 16:04
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I know, bit weird ain't it?
Imagine someone reaching under and nicking you clothes off the floor.
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thringyfox Posted on 14/04/2019 16:09
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Right, so to take your trousers off, you’ve got to take your shoes off. What do you stand on? The floor is usually covered in p!ss!
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wearthefoxhat Posted on 14/04/2019 17:07
Toilet Etiquette

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I'm more worried why they'd tell you about it NLB
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Rodneyfernsfeet Posted on 14/04/2019 17:10
Toilet Etiquette

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Was in the bogs on the motorway services the other week and there was a bloke taking a pi55 and texting with his other hand.Who says we can't multitask.
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northleicsblue Posted on 14/04/2019 18:02
Toilet Etiquette

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You stand on your shoes as you get changed.
I do that if I've driven somewhere and need to change when I arrive.

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LeicesterRino Posted on 14/04/2019 18:12
Toilet Etiquette

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What do you do enroute to warrant changing your strides?
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Filbo65 Posted on 14/04/2019 18:27
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[:D]
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ElVesto Posted on 15/04/2019 08:28
Toilet Etiquette

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Never rub back and forth Shane. Use a single slow wipe, whilst turning your wrist, so as to move the carp away.
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festivalfox Posted on 15/04/2019 08:50
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That's sound advice ElVesto.It should be taught in all schools.
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Adumass Posted on 15/04/2019 10:02
Toilet Etiquette

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should we move this on a bit, and debate which is best wiping technique: standing up or sitting down? [xx(]

i only recently learned that i might be in a minority as a stander... [sad]
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ElVesto Posted on 15/04/2019 16:54
Toilet Etiquette

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Standing? No way. That's no way to open the orifice. Dirteh!
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Drew-Peacock Posted on 15/04/2019 16:58
Toilet Etiquette

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The brush that goes round and round on my Karcher is pretty effective
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Filbo65 Posted on 15/04/2019 18:29
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Karcher?
A bog-standard electric toothbrush is much handier [^]
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LeicesterRino Posted on 15/04/2019 18:55
Toilet Etiquette

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Depends on how big the job is
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DagenhamFox Posted on 15/04/2019 18:56
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Question then.

Do you reach in between your legs to wipe or twist and go around the back?

A comedian I saw a couple of years ago asked the same question saying that you wouldn’t even know the other way existed till then. He was right and the split was about 50/50 across the audience.
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ElVesto Posted on 15/04/2019 18:58
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Round the back.
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thringyfox Posted on 15/04/2019 19:02
Toilet Etiquette

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Surely you wouldn’t put your hand anywhere near the bowl in a public bog?
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SohoFox Posted on 15/04/2019 19:03
Toilet Etiquette
Edited On: 15/04/2019 19:04
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I have recently learned that a major cause of elderly ladies getting urinary tract infection (UTI) is due to wiping their bottoms after defecating from back to front.
The medical advice is for them to wipe from front to back thus avoiding any chance of faeces getting into the v-a-g-i-n-a.
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thringyfox Posted on 15/04/2019 19:47
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You’d make a good agony aunt
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SohoFox Posted on 15/04/2019 20:10
Toilet Etiquette

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I am Marjorie Proops's love child.
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foxinabox Posted on 15/04/2019 20:16
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UTI turns my mother from a normal woman into Pol Pot. It isn't funny. I'd give her your advice but she has vascular dementia and she'd only forget it.
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Filbo65 Posted on 15/04/2019 20:28
Toilet Etiquette

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What a nifty! [^]
From my limited experience, UTIs create behaviour that's remarkably similar to dementia. And I had no 'kin idea about the loony side effects from a broken hip...
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SohoFox Posted on 15/04/2019 20:29
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Ditto my mother.
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Filbo65 Posted on 15/04/2019 20:33
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The hip thing? Absolutely staggered that I'd never heard of it... [sad]
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SohoFox Posted on 15/04/2019 20:38
Toilet Etiquette
Edited On: 15/04/2019 20:38
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My Mother hasn't got a hip problem.
But she does have vascular dementia and alzheimers. And she does regularly get UTI.
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billsballbag Posted on 15/04/2019 20:46
Toilet Etiquette

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I’m still staggered that Adaumass carps standing up.
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foxinabox Posted on 15/04/2019 20:52
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A lot of carps do - it's only koi that do otherwise.

As the Romans would day 'Carpe carp' or 'seize the carp'.

[:P]
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Filbo65 Posted on 15/04/2019 20:56
Toilet Etiquette

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Pollacks! When did fish start standing up?
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Club_B00k_Crutchless Posted on 15/04/2019 21:03
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Do you look at the paper afterwards to see how much shyte is on there so you know to wipe again? Apparently some people do that. [8)]
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foxinabox Posted on 15/04/2019 21:05
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Have you watched 'The Blue Planet'? Fish can do more or less anything, until they're gobbled up by even larger fish. Standing up to have a cr ap would be child's play to them.
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Filbo65 Posted on 15/04/2019 21:20
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I haven't seen it, no. But at the fishmonger's tomorrow, I'm going to insist that my gurnards stand up before I buy 'em.. [;)]
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Adumass Posted on 15/04/2019 23:11
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BBB, the act of wiping is performed standing... not the act of crapping! Silly boy!

(not standing straight upright I'll add, that would make the job far too difficult! More sort of leaning forward, to maintain good access to the field of play)

I wouldn't even know where to begin, trying to wipe sitting down. Do you put your hand between your legs, into the bowl, for access? Or lift a cheek and approach from the side? [?]
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scoops Posted on 16/04/2019 14:22
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On a similar but relatable note - a mate of mine at college had a GF who liked him to not wipe for a few days so she could break the crud between his aarrrse cheeks during sexy time.
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sixthswan Posted on 16/04/2019 14:32
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Sounds like their relationship was only just clinging on...
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thringyfox Posted on 16/04/2019 14:55
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Who said romance was dead?
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northleicsblue Posted on 17/04/2019 11:20
Toilet Etiquette
Edited On: 17/04/2019 11:24
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a couple of points if I may on this thoroughly enjoyable if somewhat scatalogical thread.

I know *another person* who wipes after every emission - every log, squirt or blast. I do not know if this person stands to do this or does it through the legs or round the ahem back. I do know it uses a lot of paper. They told me they can get through half a roll in one session.

I did not know that going through the legs to wipe was a thing until the above.

Standing is the only way if you are using a genuine Trou Normand ( the one where there are two foot stands and a hole)

Looking at the paper and seeing nothing there, despite having obviously produced something, is referred to as a 'ghost sh*t'

Sorry to hear about the numbers of elderly relatives with dementia and common UTI problems. I can relate to that.

For around 1200 pounds you can buy a loo similar to the Indian one described above, which after the flush, sprays warm water, soap, more warm water and finally hot air onto the harris and related areas. Maybe we should all buy these for the elderly female relatives in our lives?



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Rodneyfernsfeet Posted on 17/04/2019 13:01
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Toilets in Germany have a ledge for the dump to land on so you can examine it if you wish,I bet Gillian McKeith has got one.
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Adumass Posted on 17/04/2019 14:15
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nlb - i can't believe you posted all of that, and yet made no mention of that...ermm...tool / device / aid thingy that you shared on here many years ago.

if memory serves you'd broke an arm or something, and couldn't wipe your arris, so had to invest in a poo wiping stick!

i still laugh at the memory of reading that post.




(i hope it was you, otherwise it looks like i'm heading for a UTI...)
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foxinabox Posted on 17/04/2019 14:26
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You'll realise that you've gone a urinary tract infection when you start being disgracefully rude to everyone.

Either that or you're turning into RBTF.
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northleicsblue Posted on 17/04/2019 14:37
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Adumass - [:D] - you are correct. The old 'bottom buddy'
I broke both arms (the elbows).
Fortunately the strong pain killers had the side effect of bunging me up for a few days, by which time I could move one of the arms a little.
So the bottom buddy was never used in anger.
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thringyfox Posted on 17/04/2019 15:56
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Are you allowed to call them Bottom Buddy's these days?
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northleicsblue Posted on 17/04/2019 16:37
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just don't

Link: google it
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foxinabox Posted on 17/04/2019 17:30
Toilet Etiquette
Edited On: 17/04/2019 17:46
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Was I the only one not to open that and confidently expect a giant dildo?
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Filbo65 Posted on 17/04/2019 17:37
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Japanese toilets are the dogs. A bit like having a shiit on a Honda Goldwing...
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