Leicester City v Milton Keynes Dons A Trip to the Unfinished Place ~ With Goals
By jackieguaccamole
Sunday 01 Mar 2009 18:34:00
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I love away games, there’s something that’s still sacred about the ritual sacrifice of a whole Saturday. Perhaps it’s the pre-planning that goes into travelling away, it could the expected excitement of the away end atmosphere. For me, still inexperienced in the wonders of satnav it’s more the trepidation of what could go wrong. Like, getting completely lost, or the car breaking down, or not being able to find the bloody out of the way pub that Hackney has chosen this week. But for some stupid reason I never once considered us losing, even when standing with pint in hand at the Red Lion, losing never once entered my mind.

After a couple of swifties I topped up me thermos, called the missus and kids to tell them that I loved them, donned me walking boots, checked me compass and set off for the ground. You know how it is, you set off full of positive energy, thinking it could be there at the turn of every corner, after time the mirage effect begins to set in and you start to question whether that big blue and yellow building with IKEA written across it could be it! No, no of course it’s fucking not, it’s fucking Ikea, It’s Blue and Yellow and has IKEA written in big fuck off letters! Well we must be nearly there, is that it there. There, over there that big green and white building that looks a bit like Asda. Is that it, is that the ground? No, no it’s not, it’s a fucking Asda isn’t it! Well, what about that half built warehouse surrounded by a large unfinished car park over there, is that it, that’s got to be it!

After that amount of time your mind starts to play tricks on you, we made our way through the Krypton factor car park and staggered up the final incline to the unfinished place at the top of the mound. As we entered through what was clearly football’s retort to the Supermarket’s ‘self-serve tills’, I immediately kicked myself for buying two tickets, as I passed the 15 year blonde gate attendee I actually half kicked myself for buying any tickets at all.

Walking into the main stadium area of the unfinished place felt a lot like the first time I went to the Milton Keynes Shopping Centre, for a few moments I stood bewildered amongst thousands of other people also looking slightly bewildered. Perhaps they, like me, were still thinking, fuck why did I bother buying a fucking ticket, I could have fucking moon walked in backwards and no one would have stopped me or perhaps they were trying to work out just where the fuck they were. It looks a bit like Wimpy Homes had won the contract to build the new coliseum but had hired a bunch of Mexican workers that had fucked off home sometime round August.

We took our seats and waited, apparently it was 10 MINUTES TO KICK OFF, just 10 MINUTES TO KICK OFF! Where did this American announcer act come from? We’re fucking English, we like English accents. We would like the fucking tannoy announcers to have the common decency to speak in fucking English. Now I don’t know what a Milton Keynes accent sounds like but I’m sure it’s not poor imitation dialect of an American Circus Ringmaster! And then apparently, there was 5 minutes to go. Sorry, 5 MINUTES TO KICK OFF!

Leicester kicked off, playing away from us, Mr Bunn the baker was in goal, Gilbert, Brown, Morrison and Mattock across the back, midfield was made up of Berner, Oakley, Dyer and King with Frankie and Matty up front. For the opening period we looked our usual selves, a little bit quicker and cleverer than the competition, King was controlling the midfield, the wingers were wide, we made space. When they broke away the ball would always end up somewhere in the stands so their attacking threat looked fast but young and naive. All in all it looked like it could be a comfortable afternoon. These thoughts were confirmed when Matty Fryatt slotted the ball neatly past their keeper and into the net after six minutes.

My only slight worry was when MK Dons broke with three forwards, not only would they break with speed but they would run from wide into the middle and somehow manage to get Morrison and Brown to mark the same fucking man, leaving a huge bloody gap for anything to happen. Fortunately they were fucking useless at shooting so even when they we’re clear through on goal they’d still manage to not only not score but also 9 times out of 10 they’d miss the target completely. With 10 minutes of the first half left, I said, 10 MINUTES LEFT, they equalised with a shot from the edge of the box, Gilbert jumped out the way of it when I’m sure he could have got in front of it, and Mr Bunn dived for the ball like a fucking Baker which didn’t help.

So the game broke for halftime not as planned but I thought Nigel might have a quiet word and get them firing on all cylinders again. There was clearly a problem in the centre of midfield and defence when they attacked, we didn’t seem able to close down space and we were too easily confused as a defensive unit. I don’t know why because they weren’t that adventurous, they pretty much used the same move all first half. It seemed that if they ran across Morrison and Brown they would both end up marking the same man, leaving acres of space for the unmarked man to run into, it happened numerous times.

As the halftime ticked by I decided that MK Dons were a bunch of cheating twats that seemed to elbow, kick, push and pull our players off the ball continually, but as soon as they received anything resembling a hard tackle they’d be yelping and rolling around on the floor like an epileptic hooker at a rave party. The ref was also a twat, and a short one at that, he was fucking clueless and seemed to only react to anything if the fouled player managed to squeal loud enough when being tackled, he had no clue of the game in general, let alone the finer details.

The second half started and we looked even worse, MK Dons were starting to control the game, when we had the ball we didn’t know what to do with it. Even Brown who had a fairly good game as a defender was more like Gary Coatsworth in his distribution. Andy King and morphed into Junior Lewis, well perhaps not that bad, let’s just say I didn’t notice him that much in the second half. After 10 MINUTES of the second half, they scored again, we bought on Cleverly for Dyer and the general feel of the game continued. I did think that Cleverly runs and defends a bit like Beckham. I wasn’t sure if that was just a subconscious Man Utd No7 connection thought, or whether he thought he was a little Becks and did that stuff in the style of. Anyway, the game was still going, I think, we were still rubbish and with the long walk back to the car I decided to leave about 10 minutes before the end!

So as I fought my way back to the car I contemplated our situation, the unbeaten run is finally over, perhaps that will be a good thing for the players, perhaps that is what has being weighing them down lately, perhaps that club record of their backs will give them the freedom and fight they need for the run in. So we didn’t win but hey, we’re fucking miles ahead still and they were one of the better teams we’ve played, it’s a shame it didn’t work out but fuck it aint the end of the world is it...

Hey is that the pub where the car’s parked? that big Orange building over there with B&Q on the front, is that where the car’s parked? It’s not, is it...

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