The Jack in the Box
By S. Dunne.
Friday 21 Aug 2009 17:04:00
Browse all Match Previews articles

Welcome one and all to another in depth and hopefully accurate match preview with the usual healthy side order of bad spelling and poor grammar. Blame the education system in Coventry.


On Saturday the Ricoh Arena and Coventry City football club opens its doors, arms and the women of Scholars possibly their legs to the Lava Bread loving players of Swansea City FC.


Our very own Chris “the cookie” Coleman was born in Swansea in 1970. Just seventeen Lava Bread eating years later, in the year of our sky blue lord 1987 Chris Coleman made his full debut for Swansea City. He went on to make over 200 appearances for the club before leaving for the bright lights of Crystal Palarse, leaving behind a life of Lava Bread and a city notorious for car crime.

Swansea City and its supporters are unofficially known as the 'Jacks'. One explanation for this name is that during the 17th century, sailors from Swansea were extremely well respected and any 'Swansea Jack' was allowed to join the crew based simply on the town's reputation for great “seamen”….childish snigger…... Many, however, believe that the name originates from the renowned life-saving dog Swansea Jack.

So being born in Swansea your choice is to follow your club and be named after seamen….childish snigger… or an animal that licks its own balls?? Or as I would take, option 3 which is just go and support Cardiff.

Swansea is also well known for The Mumbles Mile, described by the BBC as "one of Wales' best-known pub crawls.” Not much of an accolade really and is comparable to being named the good looking one in the cheeky girls.

 However the “best known pub crawl in Wales” has declined in recent years with a number of local pubs being converted into flats or restaurants which were needed to accommodate the growing population of Swansea as well as to serve the increasing demand of Lava Bread eating in the area.

Swansea City Centre is undergoing a transformation until 2015 where a total of £1.46 (10,000,000 in welsh money) is to be spent on improvements. At the sea front, “The Tower” Meridian Quay is now Wales's tallest building (see cheeky girls reference above) at a height of over 80 metres. Upon completion in 2009 it is planned to be 107 metres in height with a restaurant on the top (29th) floor……allowing locals and the usual 3 tourists a year to eat Lava Bread with a view.

Famous Swansea City fans that you may or may not see confusing the kiosk staff at the Ricoh when asking for Lava Bread are: Ruth “Hi De Hi” Madoc, Cerys “Gravel Voice” Matthews and Catherine “Likes It Wrinkled” Zeta-Jones.

As for the game, Coleman is looking to give McKenzie the chance to prove his fitness as well as possibly run the rule over our latest Chelsea loanee Jack Cork…. Who isn’t named Jack after a dog or seamen…..childish snigger……but may or may not be partial to a piece of Lava Bread.

My Prediction is for a 2-0 win to the Sky Blues with Jack Cork instantly making himself popular with the Sky Blue Faithful.

However the most impressive thing about this game is that I have managed to complete a match preview with Swansea without making cheap jokes about sheep shagging or how they talk in a weird language……

Play Up Sky Blues

©2008 The West Terrace

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