Marcus Hall this is your life.
By S. Dunne
Friday 31 Jul 2009 13:29:00
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Marcus Hall this is your life.

This coming Sunday The Ricoh Arena welcomes the likable side of Liverpool “Everton” to the West Midlands to celebrate Marcus Hall’s Testimonial as well as offering a lift back North to their newest signing Westwood. (I jest of course).


Marcus Thomas J. Hall was born 24 March 1976 in Coventry Walsgrave. At very early age his parents knew he was destined to one day wear the Sky Blue shirt, suspicions were made stronger by the fact that every time Marcus needed the toilet he would stand upright throwing his left hand into the Air before asking if he could go pee pee. His parents started to call this the “Hall Maneuver”.  The “Hall Maneuver is something Sky Blues fans would go on to see week in week out, which more often than not was followed by the linesman’s flag staying down and City conceding a goal.


Between fighting for the Left Back spot with other city legends such as David Burrows, Dean Gordon and Robert Jarni. Marcus found himself in the England U21’s where he scored 2 goals in 8 outings, which is a goals to game ratio that Freddy Eastwood one day hopes to achieve.


In 2002 with one too many pretty boys in the team Marcus was sent out on a tour of shit football clubs which involved Nottingham, Southampton and Stoke. In 2005 Marcus was sick of playing for smaller teams and retuned home a man. Granted he is still a man with a shit right foot but thanks to being a big fish in so many small ponds over the previous 3 years his confidence had grown. It should be noted that Marcus Hall has never been sold by any club for a fee which instantly makes him Priceless.


Some of the more skeptical supporters amongst us have seen the choice of Everton as an odd move for Marcus’s Testimonial. Some going as far as to say its all part of a deal for Westwood, however I stand by Ray Ranson that the decision to play Everton is not part of any deal and is purely due to the well know fact that Marcus Hall has a fondness for Everton Mints.


So onto the opposition for Sunday.


Everton is an inner city area located just north of Liverpool city centre, with Vauxhall to the west. Apparently the name of this area is purely coincidental and not in anyway a reference to what you will most likely see up on bricks and on fire. Barker and Dobson, a local sweet manufacturer, introduced "Everton Mints" to honour Everton football club. However quite why they would stick them in a Newcastle strip and honour the local team with something you suck has yet to be confirmed.


The clubs crest is accompanied by the club motto, "Nil Satis Nisi Optimum", meaning "Nothing but the best is good enough". Something Everton fans could surely argue is false advertising and start up a court case against the Toffees.


Famous Everton fans that may or may not be seen at the Ricoh come Sunday reads like a who’s, who list of people I would like to twat.


The list includes:


Jennifer Ellison, Amanda Holden, Paul McCartney, Liz McClarnon, John Parrott, Sylvester Stallone, Claire Sweeney and the whole cast of Brookside including Jimmy Corkhill.


Sly Stallone has not gone on record as saying “Marcus is everything that is good about Soccer. At times these pretty boy players are just in it for the next advertising job offer, not Marcus though. From what I hear when he was at Stoke he even turned down the chance to be the face of “Haunted Mansion” at Alton Towers.”

“If they ever make the film “My Left Foot 2 – The Marcus Hall story” I will happily audition for the part. I hope he enjoys his day and scores a few Touchdowns.”


As a Coventry fan I will go on record as saying that whilst Marcus has never set the world alight he is an honest and likable hard working player and more importantly a Coventry Lad. He deserves a successful Testimonial and it’s just a shame that the current ill feeling towards the club could damage the attendance for Sunday. I’m actually working but would be there cheering on the lad and thanking him for 10 years service.


Play Up Sky Blues and Marcus Hall, Thank You.

©2008 The West Terrace

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