The world according to...
By Essex Sky Blue
Friday 30 May 2008 15:19:00
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The world according to...

Sorry to bring you bad news, but the Sky Blues no longer exist and nor do Coventry Rugby. A big plus is that there is an Ice Hockey Team and Speedway in or near the City.

Where do I get this information? Well from that sporting almanac Sky TV obviously.

See if you’re not in the “Major League” then you're not a player and are expunged from history. If you do a bit more digging then you’ll find Football didn’t really exist until the Premiership and Dennis Taylor has won every darts match in the world history, fabulous achievement that one.

Ever thought of what else you could change just by having Sky take over broadcasting rights. How about mullets? Or what about that item of athletic apparel the Sports Jacket? After all, wasn’t it our very own Richard Keys who pioneered the vivid coloured jacket that found favour with many an aged Gent in their quest to look debonair.

But look I can blame Sky for a lot, but try as I might I cannot blame them for the insidious fashion of wearing replica shirts, track suit bottoms and black shoes (slip on or lace up, either top off this outfit a treat). I mean, this fashion statement makes a Stone Island / Burberry combo look appealing.

We’ve all seen em, scuttling into the bookies or waiting for the pub to open at 11:30. So at what point in life does your self-esteem drop so far that this mode of dress become acceptable? For the life of me I struggle to figure how you can drag this attire out the wardrobe in a single session.

So if you’re reading this and it dawns on you that comfy trousers have more appeal than sex, and that young girls are just silly annoyances you may already be on that slippery slope. If you admire the stay fresh repeat wear-ability properties polyester over cotton shirts and can no longer see the need for more than a single pair of multi-purpose shoes I would ask that you step back now and seek help. It’s here you either figure out your own wife is utterly useless and you need to trade her in, or the more likely, it’s time you stopped living alone as it’s really beginning to show.

Is there a cure? Probably not, I know of no remedy for poor taste, but maybe you should start with a good confessional, and it’s no good seeking solace in the Parkgate you’ll probably end up coming home with a new mobile, Chinese take away and the nod for the 4:15 at Wincanton.

No, you should try the local supermarket on a Thursday evening. Trust me on this, it’s where you’ll find a well turned out more mature lady who’ll be able to empathize with you problems. You get two hits at this, firstly amongst your fellow shoppers or, and the more likely, at the check out. Tell me you’ve never been caught in one of these hairdresser style conversations at the check out. A small irritation maybe, but it could just be your way back into the real world. Redemption may be near and you get the added bonus that married men have been found to live, on average, 10 years longer than non-married men.

Just think 10 more years of spunking your life away on booze, fags and football. And as someone said recently it’s good job your football team aren’t like partners. I for one am eternally grateful for that, can you imagine being married to Coventry City FC?

©2008 The West Terrace

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