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Leroy_ Posted on 31/08/2012 07:40
The little-known Scottish band, Ballboy.

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It's great to see that this board is absolutely buzzing ahead of my first football-related Blackpool weekender in 10* years.

Come on you XXXXXX kiss-me-quick hats.

Literally.

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TownFish Posted on 31/08/2012 19:49
The little-known Scottish band, Ballboy.
Edited On: 31/08/2012 19:49
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Remember this? Charlie Riddel's Blackpoo match report from 10/11/2001

Friday
I woke up bright and early and I didnít feel ill apart from my normal every day illnesses and deficiencies which was rather wambam. I got picked up at 8am and noticed that DanDan was looking rather pale. It transpired that he had succumbed to the joys of Sambuka the previous evening and more worryingly he had snogged Beirneys "girlfriend". Next stop, Beirneys house. The skinhead came out with his mug of coffee, took the XXXXXX out of DanDan for having his bird before joining the rest of the assorted freaks at laughing at DanDan puking up last nightís spoils. Credit must go to DanDan for the noise he made, truly remarkable, a warbling, heaving, whale type noise. Nice.

We were soon out of the safety of Mighty Melksham and on our way oop north. We had been let down by two people the previous nigh and that morning so our party of geeks totalled a paltry 9, including Krusty.

We made a stop off at Chippenham bypass for DD to entertain once more with his warbling act and omission, a photo was taken for posterity.

The rest of the journey was uneventful, DD was sick three more times into plastic bags on the minibus, Stella was being drunk at a fair old rate (apart from by DD who kept declining offers of a beer and Theodore), some top quality porn was being perused (24th November at Swindon sex shop Ė a page three slag, two free pornos, a free video or DVD, and some vibros for the ladies, just buy a copy of the days Daily Sport). We stopped off for a few XXXXXX stops, a disgusting Wimpey burger and a sandwich. Saw C and SN25 at one of the services and Stroudies missus at the next.

Arrived in Blackpool and only got a little bit lost when finding our palatial residence for the next couple of days.

Bags were dumped, I shared a room with Robbo, Cape and Gumbo. Robbo and Cape had a double bed and us kids had a bunk bed. I didnít wipe any bogeys on the wall or "come on birds" on the top of the bunk though. I had the bottom bunk as I simply couldnít climb up the three steps.

We walked, much to my disgust, to Yates to meet up with all the others and obviously got there before all of them as they are gay.

The Freds arrived a day late and Milky refused to pay me the money he owed me despite having it in his XXXXXX stained pockets.

I canít remember how long we stayed in here, but I managed to find the kitchen and ladies toilets before finding the Gentlemens and no it wasnít because I was following the two Bís and looking at their XXXXXXs. Ahem.

I think we went back to the B&B to put shoes on or something before going back to Yates (but not walking this time) and the things I remember about being in there this time are that CC was rammerdammerdingdonged and was arranging for his boys to be at Chippenhams ground when Melksham play them, this was just before he feel on his XXXXXX at the bar.

Lareys bird was also noticeably hammered and rather buxom with it. I take it we all went to the Tower Lounge after Yates or was there somewhere before that, I got a Zinger Tower burger before I went back to the B&B earlier I have just remembered. This must be the most amount of food I'd ever eaten on a "football" day.

In the Tower Lounge and the dancing was in full swing, Milky was with his honey, bumping and grinding, GL2 was being a complete idiot as per usual and dancing like, you guessed it, a XXXXXX and I was as charming as ever. I know that Larey punched me in the gonads around this time, one which I appreciated no end, um, thatís all I remember. I then went to the Palace with Stroudies missus Uncles mate. This was a tenner to get in but once there all drinks were free so it was double vodkas and lemonade all the way. We were on the dance floor strutting our funky stuff, I was probably the funkiest person there to be honest and even though Iím only 18 there seemed to be a majority there that were younger. When youíre as funky as me though you can always find someone with a bit more maturity and thatís what I did. At the bar there was a woman, who to be honest was probably older than HH (I know, I didnít think that was possible either) and was so bad that she was nearly as ugly as me, but obviously not quite. Donít know how but we ended up (sorry if youíre eating) smooching before looking at each other in disgust and moving rapidly to another part of the club.

I canít remember what happened with matey but I was on my own and chatting with some norverners but canít remember leaving.

I was walking along and found a chip shop place and got chips and curry sauce when much to my delight some kiddies who were staying in my B&B were. I got a taxi back with them and tried to listen to Beirney and Krusty at it through the wall.

Saturday

The day of the big match, how exciting. Woke up with only a slight headache, Robbo woke up with Capes arm around him. I didnít ask.

Breakfast was between quarter to nine and quarter past so we had some time to kill before that. This was spent watching Robbo chase Krusty round the room with his hard-on and then catching her and getting slightly carried away as his mighty tool probed and pushed its way around her.

After this moment of merriment, I had my monthly shower whilst every one was having breakfast and then decided that I didnít feel too bad and ate Robbos breakfast as he was worn out with all that rushing around, the blood must have gone to his head.

I managed a sausage, some bacon, a bit of egg and some beans and washed it down with a chilled can of Stella Artois.

We stayed in the bar until everyone was ready and then made our way to the Tower Lounge again. Stayed in here drinking for some time, again I donít know if anything interesting happened, although confusion reigned as GL5 smashed a pint on the dance floor and we though he had yacked up.

A small group of perverts made their way to Foxhalls, I tagged along. There were a couple of other Gloucester perverts in here when we arrived to sample the pound a pint lager on offer. Soon enough it was time for the reason we went there and that was the stripperlipperdingdong. This bitch was Miss Australia or something and she was a big girl. She started her routine by running about hitting people with her cats tail and going "meow". She then moved on to hitting people with her hands, thankfully all this messing about didnít last too long and she got her baps out. And bingabongbaps they were too! Her nipples were visible from space. The shaving foam and some blokes belt came out and I think she enjoyed dishing out the slaps. I donít think she got her pie out, but her keks were skimpy enough.

When she finished it was photo time. Milky paid for me to go up as he was too scared, he did eventually have his photo taken with the Doris but even Cape went up before him. My photo was obviously the best, GL2ís the worst. She put Capes specs over her nipples which was nice.

GL2 tried to pull it but she wasnít from Tewkesbury so really had no chance.

Time went quickly and 3pm was fast approaching. I think the idea was floated to stay and watch the next dancer but we are loyal after all and made our way to the ground.

In we went, pretending to be stone cold sober and I joined Strouds missus uncle at the far side to give the away fans some abuse. There was one particularly fearsome Blackpool fan dishing out the pleasantries who must have been their top boy as he was sporting a delightful John Smiths hat.

The game was obviously cack although I did enjoy being standing again. The decision was made at half time to depart after about 10 mins of the second half to get back to the boozer. Not before a couple of meat and tatter pies were consumed and photos were shown to those who were interested, those who were not, those who thought "what a XXXXXX" and a copper.

Can I just say at this juncture that our S Club Melksham flag should really win some sort of prize as it was XXXXXX awful, I havenít seen it in full flow but what I have seen is a tad embarrassing but to be expected. S CLUUUUUUUB!

Out walked me, Milky, Fred and Uncle and back to Foxhalls we wearily tread. No strippers were making an appearance now but me mate from Mighty turned up, he didnít go to the game as he has been inexplicably banned from football.

Theodore was laughing and joking with everyone and it was yet again a pound a pint, others came back from the game and I turned into GL2 for a little bit as I NEARLY fell asleep. I think I may have puked my pies up as well but donít know if that was in here or what. (as a pleasant aside, Gumbo puked up blood in our bathroom on Friday night). Anyway, much delight was taken from my 1750 heavy headedness and will continue for some time by those immature enough to do so.

The thought of some more strip slags as suggested by DD gave me my impetus back and off I went with DD, Cape and Uncle to a little seedy strip place on the sea front. It was just one door which led downstairs to the stinkiest place outside of my bedroom. We sat down, thinking we had a front row seat only to find out they didnít do a free show but instead it was a tenner for a private showing. DD went first and his glowing report persuaded me to spend a tenner, only one mind you, just to see what itís like.

Uncle A didnít have a go in here but I managed to see a couple of birds do their fruity thang and I must admit they were XXXXXX wambam and a half. Some real tasty birds doing some real dirty dances. Not once did this sad XXXXXX come out without an erectile organ.

Out we went as we thought it best to go back and get changed, so we said our farewells to Uncle A and made our way back to the B&B. Hang on, did we XXXXXX. DD knew of a couple more places that had "exotic dancers". The first one we went to was called "sinless". Only a fiver a dance in here but they didnít get their pies out, although they were still good enough for us. There was a spot on chinky and I even had one of GL2ís ladies, a Floella Benjamin lookalike. The birds in these places get their puppies as close to you as possible so itís obviously advisable to move your head forward for a feel when the chance is there.

After this establishment we went in search of a bank as funds were low and our hunger for lap dancing was far from satisfied. We managed to talk to a very lovely 14 year old bird about S Club Melksham but she thought we (okay me) were XXXXXXs.

Bank found, money out and on to the next strip joint. I still had my trainers on but managed to get the doorman to let me in anyway. These birds were also a fiver a go and were a bit rougher although when we went downstairs there was more of a selection and some quite nice slags.

I donít know when we left but we got a taxi back so I could put some trousers and shoes on to "gan clubbiní". In the taxi home I received a phone call from our hero Gumbo saying that he had been headbutted and all he was doing was touching up this blokes bird. Whatís the world coming to?

Back at the B&B and we were pleasantly surprised to see Robbo in bed with this bird who Iíve seen in the CGH before. She declined the offer of being a spit roast and I even offered her the chance to XXXXXX me off but she declined. I dunno, birds eh?

We left the two love birds to get jiggy with it and made our way to Brannigans where Gumbo said he was or had been. Nothing happened in here whatsoever so we made our way to the Tower Lounge where Gumbo now said he was (I think Beirney went home at about 9pm?).

One door was locked and that was just too much as the urge for paying slags to get their tits out again proved too much and we embarked on the short journey to our first strip joint.

There were a few newer birds on show this time and the old school uniform proved a favourite. We stayed in here drinking and perving for quite some time, the best bird was one I thought would be XXXXXX as she only had a skimpy bra top thing and knickers on, but I had reports that she was a good Ďun so up I crept. We were now on first name terms with the security bloke and he was now letting me take my beer in the little room as I was a good/sad customer. This bitch was dirty, playing with her bits and opening them up for the world to see. She was also not shy when putting her nips in yer nostrils and wearing trousers was a good idea for when she rubbed her boobs, XXXXXX, and face on your crotch.

In total, I spent £185 on strippers alone. By anyones standards that is XXXXXX sad, but I am, so ding dong.

We made our way back to the B&B as it was getting on a bit now, we walked to Preston and back in search of the hovel and stopped off for some chips and XXXXXX.

The best thing happened on the way back, we asked this norverner if he knew where our place was and he asked if we were from Melksham. What the XXXXXX we exclaimed in unison, "I can tell by your accents" was his reply. Obviously we didnít know what to make of this and in our slightly inebriated state, got the popperlopperdingdongs out to celebrate our new found fame.

We eventually got a taxi back and it was the shortest journey Iíve ever taken in a taxi, the same distance as the CGH to the Stratton Bank turnstiles.

Doh.

We came back into the love palace and Robbo was half asleep and his bird of the night was sitting on the bed doing nothing, waiting for Robbo to say something I think.

He said nothing and she left, being a gentleman I walked her to the door and told her where the Manchester pub was, canít be fairer than that.

Gumbo and Pixie shortly appeared and Pixie for some reason slept on our floor. Krusty didnít appear as she was with a Swindon Town footballer who goes by the initials MH.

Donít know if anything else happened as I canít remember but thatís the end of Saturday I think.



Sunday

Not feeling quite so good as I awoke from my slumber this time and that feeling soon got worse when Gumbo got up and departed from his bunk bed with his twinkle out. He amused everyone by wiggling it about and having a mini "slapping" competition with Robbo. Robbo was a little bit better. Krusty came in from her night of passion (?) with the Town player to be greeted by Gumboís magnificence. He asked her if he could touch her foot with his willy but she didnít want him to.

Down to breakfast for everyone bar me as I couldnít really stomach anything especially after seeing Gumboís pants which were soiled, and rather badly (number 2ís).

Donít know if anything happened, Robbo was being a bit coy about his super session and I was slowly realising that all that money on stripperlippers might not have been so wise, although I know it was but Iím pretending to be normalish.

Bags then packed (and yes, Gumbo did pack his XXXXXX ridden undergarment) and lobbed into the minibus and off into town for the Remembrance Day service. Gumbo and Beirney chose to go shopping instead, Krusty and Robbos brouther, um, I donít know what they did.

We got there at about ten to (11 not 6) and observed the service and paid our respects. Others chose not to which is their prerogative although some people seem to think otherwise.

We went to Cahoots but they werenít serving, we then saw Milky, GL2 and CC and went to the pool bar which had a smattering of alcoholics already partaking in the amber nectar.

I think we only had one in here before moving on to, yawn, Yates but I canít be sure. Oh yeah, Milky had 47 minutes of passion which was timed by CC, good work chunk.

Not such good work by the Milky though as he then preceded to wet himself, 38 years old or whatever he is and he still weeís himself. Dreary me.

GL2 nearly came in his thong when he saw that the till had rung up £5.50 for an order, absolutely hilarious.

DD got a call from an irate Gumbo, going on that weíve got to leave. I was suitably XXXXXXed off with this as I really didnít see the point in leaving so early, so the mini bus came to pick us up, we said our goodbyes and XXXXXX offs and I got in the mini-bus and was in a mood. It transpired that they had to get the mini-bus back which is fair enough, it would have been easy enough to say that in the first place instead of moaning like Milkys bird during a 47 minute marathon.

The mood swiftly departed as the Stellaís came out for the lads. The journey home consisted of drinking, hitting Gumbo and erm, drinking. We did stop off for a few XXXXXX stops and a KFC (Zinger Tower and chicken stripperlippers with sour cream and chive dip Ė ding dong!). We all dumped our bags off when we got home and went in the ĎTino. Theodore got excluded by the serving wench as he apparently smelt too much. Talk was of next weeks children in need when the bar birds are donning school uniforms for the evening. The photos were again shown to all who were interested and again those (ie everyone) who wasnít.

Pixie came in from dropping the van off with his old man whoís birthday it was and he had his usual, coca cola. We all had a beer for him though.

Done the quiz, I was great, everyone else wasnít and thatís why we didnít win, we got XXXXXXed and I went home at last orders I think.

My mum had made me the most wambam chicken and pasta stuff, spicy rich tomato, garlic and basil sauce Ė uh uh, nearly as good as the strippers and a damn sight cheaper.

Went to bed minus a few objects that I had taken with me to Blackpool, but with my photo.

Woke up the next day, wasnít sure if I was alive Ďcos I certainly didnít feel it and couldnít make it into work.

Waited until 5.50 before I got up and then did nothing, apart from, well, you can probably guess.

All in all a XXXXXX superb weekend and a lot of drinking, I canít remember half of it and there are loads of little things that Iím sure Iíve missed out but no-oneís gonna read this XXXXXX after those first two reports anyway so whatever.

LMA
S CLUB MELKSHAM
WWTCCOW!!!

There's more if you want them................
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Leroy_ Posted on 02/09/2012 22:37
The little-known Scottish band, Ballboy.

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This weekend was pretty much a carbon copy of that one. Apart from the keeper didn't get subbed in 2001.

I remember lying in bed watching on telly the bodies of the Soham victims getting discovered at that Blackpool trip. LOL
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TownFish Posted on 03/09/2012 01:23
The little-known Scottish band, Ballboy.

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Maybe a little more like this one of Riddel's then?

March 3rd 2001

Rightio, here be my effort.

Left work at about half one on Friday after an exhausting morning on the FF and back to my house where I had prepared my weekends needs the night before (I put the Stella in the fridge) and off it was with the party people Ė Gumbo, his brouther and Danny sickboy.

The journey to Blackpool was only memorable for the longest short cut Iíve ever been on and the XXXXXX stops on the hard shoulder Ė magic Ė I canít emphasis how much I love the football XXXXXX stops, pure heaven. Got to Blackpool at I donít know what time as I was a little bit cnuted by now. We went to a B&B that said it was £10 a night, resultio. Got there and he said that there were rooms but the bloke warned us that there was a gay party that night. It took me a while to understand what he was on about, I asked "what do you mean, a gay party" rather angrily, "um, a party for gay men". "Oh, um, no thanks". Obviously it would have been grand but I didnít have any Reef on me and I think they had run out in the bar.

Went to another B&B, I managed to knock a plant pot off the wall just as the bloke came down, "er, donít think so lads, try that on over there". He was Scottish.

So (this is really interesting isnít it?) we went to one over the road, £16 a night, but they had TV and were en-suite so we took it (right next to the train station as well).

Went out, still donít know what time this was and went to the pubs from Blackpool í95 Ė the Station but there was no karaoke and no fighting out in the street. The Victoria which didnít have any porno videos like before. Yates, which was Yates. Then OíMalleyís . Which wasnít OíMalleys anymore and was pretty XXXXXX. The vodkas had took control by now and I ended up in a club called "Jellies" or summit like that, I thought it was the Palace but it wasnít. Canít remember in here and I know that I lost the others and wondered around Blackpool on me Todd looking for the B&B and stopping in about 376 food places on the way home, eating hardly any food but dropping plenty.

Got up too early for my liking and immediately went to the bog for a puke, not for the first time I was puking up blood, funny in a way but also a bit disturbing. Went down for breakfast, managed 22 glasses of water and one slice of fried bread and a bite of a sausage.

Got the train at 10something and bought a ticket. Gay I know but it was only £5.10. The ticket man did come round but I do regret not having attempted a jib but I was feeling ill.

Got to Wigan just after 1100 and went to a pub in the town centre, and were greeted by two young scallies having a little ding dong. Was a nice pub though despite not doing Stella. Had a couple of pooís in here and watched the Leeds-Man Utd game. Phoned up the mini-bus massif and they were in a pub which when I asked the bar slag was told was "not too far".

We walked to this "not too far" pub and ended up just outside Swindon. Sure enough, all the XXXXXXios were in there and they served Stella.

The minibus XXXXXXios wouldnít give us a lift to the ground so we walked/ran (fitness freak you see) to the T/C to get a taxi. On the way we saw the mini-bus going the wrong way. Thick as XXXXXX, the lot of Ďem.

Into the ground and a quick pint and a pie and then to watch the game. The minibus mongs didnít arrive until about ten past or something like that. I didnít think much of the ground on the inside although the facilities were superrrrrrb.

The decision was made by four Ffers to leave at half time and retire to a pub. The game was XXXXXX and I knew it would be 0-0.

We walked to another pub which was "not too far" and the elder half of the quadruviate (I know thatís not a word alright?) stormed ahead. We went to the Clubhouse, it was pretty XXXXXX so we went to the Red Robin which was just outside the ground.

Stayed in here for ages whilst a few more Town came in, it seemed that the minibus mincers had all split up. Saw dp the Scot and his mate and a fellow Ffer "STFC Liverpool Branch" in here. The scouser was born in oxford and asked GL2 if he could save him the end of his cigarette. I think he travelled by caravan.

Can I just say at this point that I though GL2 was an annoying XXXXXX in here.

Left there and I think itís safe to say that pretty much everyone was XXXXXXiod. Went back to the Clubhouse where the other people were, more drink consumed and a couple of renditions of "We are the XXXXXXs" for the locals.

Thanks to the driver for giving us inbreds a lift back to the station even though some on the minibus didnít want him to but tough XXXXXX really.

Stopped in an Offy by the station and it seemed they were doing a kind of buy two get two free offer in here. We left the merry bunch of travellers here, oh yeah, I enjoyed the minibus ride back as my fat XXXXXX was camped (Ďscuse the pun GL2) on Mrs Stroudie and Mrs SN25. A bit more enjoyable for me than it was for them Iím sure.

Train journey back to Blackpool was superb as the fat man on the train said he had use up all the buffet food by today so he gave us XXXXXX loads free.

Back in Ďpool and out on the dees again, went to Brannigans to meet the other intrepid Swindon fans staying over in this Lancashire hotspot. Brannigans was very good, loads of beaver to perve at. Anyway, the other Swindon werenít allowed in (something to do with being to fat and having a beard I think!?) and went to a bar next door? We soon followed but and there was a superb fight going on outside, but as it was Blackpool nobody seemed to notice.

I think we stayed in here for the duration, canít remember though as I was XXXXXXed. Dancing like a freak and perving kept this sad individual happy and then it was on to the only chip shop that I could find that was still open. Danny went home early, puked up and lost his key which incurred a £5 fine.

Woke up the next day to have a blood poo which I found even more worrying than my blood puke. I managed to eat my breakfast today and we left the B&B and went to the Pleasure Beach. It was only 80p a ride so we went on that Big Cocker (I think thatís what itís called) that was pretty mental and a few others that werenít as mental. Gumbo and his brouther were too scared to go on any rides.

Got chips, mushy peas and gravy and nearly puked it up but managed to hold on and then we were on our way back to Mighty. I think I was asleep most of the way home and we got back at around seven or eight. I went to the ĎTino but only managed one XXXXXXty pint as I felt like a worn out XXXXXX.

That concludes my cacky report. Not very eventful from my point of view but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

I should probably do a little bit of work now.

WATCCOW!!!
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PetsWinPrizes Posted on 03/09/2012 15:57
The little-known Scottish band, Ballboy.

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Any more? I'm enjoying these, a lot more than a grown man should.
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TownFish Posted on 04/09/2012 01:21
1/52

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Erm yes, I have 52 of them in total. Maybe over time I'll post them all. Here's one from the friendly at Bath on 22/07/2000, there may be more than 1 for this game too.

Contributor: STFC Gloucester Branch

I think I went to Bath yesterday, but I'm not altogether sure.......
I seem to have vague memories of going to see Oasis and the HAPPY MONDAYS at Wembley on Friday, getting absholutely XXXXXXed, XXXXXXing on birds' feet, arguing with the met's finest/XXXXXXest, staying in Swindon, waking up, going down the pub, getting on a train, getting off same train two stops later, going into a hotel, paying a XXXXXX fortune for beer, walking to another pub, having a good old retro session on the jukebox (The Jam, Stone Roses, Happy Mondays), getting a bus to some little "stadium" in the cuníryside, paying £2.50 to get in Ė XXXXXX quality:

Branch: One junior please
Tasty Turnstile Bird: What year were you born?
Branch: 1977
Tasty Turnstile Bird: Thatíll be £2.50 please
Branch: SXXXXXXÖ

Watched a load of men I donít recognise chase a white spherical object around a patch of grass for approximately ĺ of an hour, ate a "burger" (not a lefty veggie one though Iím afraid CC!!!), went into a bar/toilet and drank some reasonably priced beer, saw some bloke with half his hair and beard shaved off, although I am sure I imagined that, proceeded to get drunk, upset the locals in a big way, got on a bus, sang loads of songs, watched the worldís crappest game of spoof, got off bus, walked past the Police station/pig sty, sang a naughty song, police in police car reversed to came and tell us off, knocked some unfortunate chap over ("What happened?" "I think the old bill have just run a cat over" "XXXXXX me, Iíve never seen a cat wearing combat trousers!!!"), went back to a vaguely familiar pub, drank loads, played loads more Happy Mondays Ďn Stone Roses Ďn stuff, did my amazingly accurate Bez impression with The BHNís sunglasses on, wished it was 1989 again, sang loads of songs (some naughty, others not so naughty, all LOUD), upset the manager in a big way, upset the diners in a big way, upset just about everyone I think, theyíll probably blame us for starting World War II, went to another pub (ĎScuse us mate, whereís the nearest pub" "Donít know mate, thereís a pub called The Huntsman back down that way" "Err, weíve just been there, I donít think weíll be made welcome again"), turned round to find that we had been standing less than five yards from the nearest pub, went into the worldís best camouflaged pub, drank more, sang some more, upset some more people, eventually left the little town of Barf, half expected to see some yokel with a banjo standing on the railway bridge, found ourselves at brizzle Templemeadzzz, drank more beer, argued with half-wit brizzle lesbian dyke XXXXXX train time information XXXXXXs, got on another train, found magazines with fantastic picture of a spitfire in flight on front cover, proceeded to stick aforementioned pictures all over the buffet car leaving the rest of the magazine discarded on the floor, sang lots of songs about England/Britain/WWII/The Pope/the ira/oxford/reading/brizzle city etc, got off train in The ĎNam, got on yet another train back to GG, had a little game of Try To Smash The Train Station Window By Kicking A Football At It, went into town, borrowed some money off Milky (Again!!!), went to one of the oldest hostelries in town (though not THE oldest so I am told), drank more beer and had tidy birds rub their bottoms on my crotch on the dancefloor (me), fell asleep (GL2), pulled a XXXXXXr (Milky), eventually left while asking everyone to clap their hands if they were all going to reading, got a large doner with everything, waited for a taxi, paid a kiddy £5 for his t-shirt (a terrible Hackett-a-like) because I was impressed with the St Georgeís cross with "ENGLISH AND PROUD" written on it, similar to the picture on Dougie Brimsonís The Crew, got a taxi back to the Ďhood with two luvverly laydeez, though strangely I didnít end up having sex with either of them, asked the sleeping people of suburban Gloucester to clap their hands if they were going to reading, got back to the Branch Ranch, opened the bedroom window, made a reefer, hung the Union flag out of bedroom window, put The Clash on very loud, upset the next door neighbours (donít you just love having the house to yourself?), attempted to smoke reefer, gave up, put Stone Roses video on, went to sleep fully clothed, woke up feeling very unhealthy, made a coffee, smoked last nights reefer, had a sausage roll, turned computer on, went to Swindon Supporters Forum, started to type account of yesterdays activitiesÖ.well, you know the rest!!!!

Branch, your roving reporter, signing off because I need a poo Ė XXXXXX kebabs!!!!!
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PetsWinPrizes Posted on 04/09/2012 18:14
1/52

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52? Well give us one a week, they'll get people FLOCKING back to this board.

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Leroy_ Posted on 05/09/2012 13:07
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Posted by Leroy_ 05/09/12

As Red Adair had stitched at the last minute, I got the train to Chippenham in order to speed things up a bit and to meet Gumbo, Pixie, The B, The S, The J and the A on route. Got to Chippenham at 1045 and Gumbo phoned to say they'd be with me in 20 minutes. 2 hours later I was picked up and we set on our way up to Britain's XXXXXXtest/best town.

Stopped off at a services which had a Greggs but I was very restrained and only got one sausage roll. And a sandwich. And a burger from Riddel's McDonald's. I'm on a diet.

Arrived in Blackpool and I had stayed at the hotel before (I think I've done pretty much every one now) and we headed oot on the toon. Found a karaoke pub with some ugly slags (the best kind) and a group of lads who were half Stoke, half Port Vale. So we sang '4-3, 5-0, 4-3, 5-0...' at them until we became bored. I thought that one up. High five.

We were all waning a bit so it was decided (by me) to get on the jagers. Gumbo then came up with an idea for a bet. The last one to down their drink has to buy the next round. Gumbo took a couple of sips then spat his back in the glass, costing the usually tight XXXXXX £15. Heeeee haaaaaaaw.

Apart from doing a bit of great dancing to Cotton Eye Joe and getting some bird action (which Gumbo remembers more of than me) the evening is a bit of a blur.

Woke up early doors and puked. Went and had breakfast before setting off for Preston. My first pint only took an hour and a half to drink. Pretty good going for me. Met up with DanDan, his dad and a few others. Good turn out from Town, and a good atmosphere until the football went royally tits up. One of the strangest atmospheres I've ever known at a football match and the result was a bit of a side issue.

Anyway, we headed back and when we stopped at the services The J pulled up right by a car where a woman (who looked like she was from Bradford or Luton or somewhere) was puking her guts up. She had a go at us for parking right next to them and at this point I XXXXXXed off to the toilet for a slash. The next thing I know Gumbo runs in the toilet saying the woman's husband has threatened him and he needs some protection. I sXXXXXXed.

Gumbo then went and asked a member of staff if he could leave the services via a back exit. The XXXXXX poof.

Anyway, the couple from Birmingham/Leicester/Oldham had gone by this point so Gumbo lives to be a XXXXXX another day.

Got back and was starting to feel very rough. It's Wednesday, and I still haven't properly got over it.

There's another little game on tonight so I'll be sure to post another report, now I'm back in the swing of it.





Link: I've still got it
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Leroy_ Posted on 06/09/2012 09:16
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Posted by Leroy_ 06/09/12

Went up the road. It was XXXXXX. Came home. Eventually.
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PetsWinPrizes Posted on 06/09/2012 11:59
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What treats.

Was Riddler not at Blackpool/ Preston?
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Leroy_ Posted on 06/09/2012 17:30
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No. Riddler won't be leaving his house for the next 18 years.
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Riddel Posted on 11/09/2012 23:46
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I was at Bingley Music Festival and had booked that before the fixtures came out. I would have loved to win some money off of Gumbo.

Those reports are quite embarrasing really. I would love to be able to drink that much and spend £185 on strippers these days though.

Tell us more about your Blackpool bird Timmy.
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Leroy_ Posted on 18/09/2012 07:32
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She had tits, an XXXXXX and a fanny but I didn't stick my willy into any of those.
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Leroy_ Posted on 18/09/2012 12:14
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Assuming you meant me, of course. I have no idea who this 'Timmy' character is.
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