One Hell Of A Beating Articles- Spoof

Dr Thompson Reports On England - Part 2

Continued from Part 1… I looked down to the bar, zoomed in and grabbed the book that had been laid before me by a wisp. It was entitled ‘Danny Mills and Boon’ and could be my passport to knowledge of the goal I had only just missed. I perused the first few pages then flicked from front to back fishing out salient words that might clue me into finding the spot where I had ....


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Dr Thompson Reports On England - Part 1

It was a Tuesday. Being a student, every night was now student night whether I liked it or not. Invariably however, when I was not a student I liked them, and so did the several hundred students who enjoyed Portsmouth night life with me. Tuesday is not student night in the Cuckoo Pint Public House, Fareham. Tuesday is student night in the Cuckoo Pint Public House, Fareham in as much as it is ....


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When Blatter Met Mugabe: The Leaked Tapes

Now that the groundbreaking journalistic bastion of integrity The News of the World is tragically closing, we at OneHellOfABeating.com have managed to obtain some of their more interesting recordings, of which Rupert Murdoch himself has said should never see the light of day. The first of these is a transcript of the conversation held earlier this week between two pillars of the global ....


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Football’s Super-injunctions Revealed

In the world of football journalism it is often difficult to separate the facts from the fiction, but here at Onehellofabeating.com we like to leave you in no doubt whatsoever. And when it comes to super-injunctions, it’s very important not to get the two confused. The British press are prevented by law from not only saying what they want to say, but even from saying that they can’t ....


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Gazza Revealed As Capello’s Successor

Former England talisman, Paul “Gazza” Gascoigne is to be revealed later on today in a press conference as Fabio Capello’s successor as England manager. The change will take proper effect after England lose on penalties in the European Championship quarter-finals next summer, but in the meantime the ex-Kettering boss will be working closely with the Italian in the role of fitness ....


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Time To Invest In A Psychic Octopus

With Rooney et al failing to deliver in this World Cup, the real hero of the tournament has arguably been Paul, the psychic octopus from the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany. I say arguably because most people would probably think it was David Villa or Wesley Sneijder, but they’re wrong of course. Paul Oktopus has correctly predicted each of Germany’s six World Cup results, ....


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Beckham Bribes Triesman To Stand Down

In a sensational new twist to the England 2018 World Cup bid, a Onehellofabeating.com transcript of a telephone conversation between Lord Triesman and the speaking clock reveals that Triesman only agreed to stand down as Chairman of England’s bid after being bribed by David Beckham.     The Labour peer is also giving up his position as chairman of the FA after striking a ....


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Fergie Seeks Deal With Wenger In Hung Premiership

With a slim ‘victory’ of just one point, Chelsea’s claim to the Premiership title is being challenged by Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson, who feels that Carlo Ancelotti’s side have failed to gain a mandate for the trophy, by not securing an overall majority of the points on offer this season.   Fergie is believed to have approached Arsene Wenger, whose ....


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Flick Lobb: Fifa Insider – Behind The Scenes At The World Cup Draw

Hi, my name is Felicity ‘Flick’ Lobb, and this is the first of my (hopefully) regular columns for Onehellofabeating.com. I have been working ‘under’ Sepp Blatter for just a few weeks now as his stand-in personal assistant, and this has given me tremendous behind-the-scenes access to what goes on at FIFA. It’s a very busy time at the moment and I’ll be letting ....


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Germany v England - signed shirt SEASIDEJOHN2 28/08/2011
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When Blatter met Mugabe rob_onehellofabeating1 9/07/2011
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End of season burn-out? rob_onehellofabeating1 5/06/2011
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England vs Switzerland rob_onehellofabeating3 3/06/2011
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